i've got to love myself a little bit more, and love you a little bit less. i realised you're not that hard to forget. or maybe i'm just not trying hard enough to remember. this all feels like a sweet dream thrown into the deep end of the pool. i think i feel numb, because i can't even tell what i'm feeling right now. so many excuses, and yet so little time. in 4 to 5 months time, i could look back on this week and regret it for the rest of my life, but why wait until then? there just seems like so many reasons to fall right now, but i will not let myself. i have always been a fighter, and i always will be. without you, i do not give up. when the going gets tough, the fighter gets going. everything feels like it's stacked against me right now. my faith, my strength, my courage and most importantly, my desire to succeed, will all be tested.

maybe life's really not about a couple of alphabets on a piece of paper, but try telling that to the rest of the world. life's about living, and make no mistake, i'm going to live it to the fullest. and even if i fail, i will find another way. because life doesn't stop, and neither does living. so i'll take my shot and i'll take my chances. it's time to make the most of it. fingers crossed and eyes closed, because right now, i don't want to see the world any more than it wants to see me. it's 12 days and counting, but who's counting?