Turn the lights off in this place, and she shines just like a star.
I swear I know her face, I just don't know who you are.
Come closer.

Love is giving someone the power to hurt you, but trusting them not to.
~ John Albert Halili

help me lift these heavy arms, so that i can reach for the sky.

help me raise this weary spirit, so that i can believe again.

help me move these stone legs, so that i can walk the walk of freedom.

help me open these tired eyes, so that i can see the goodness in people.

help me cleanse this stained skin, so i can feel the purest of touches.

help me unplug these muffled ears, so i can hear the truth.

help me clear this stuffed nose, so i can smell the scent of romance.

help me rejuvenate this coarse tongue, so i can taste your sweet kisses.

help me become the man i once was, so that i can love you once again.

help me become the man i hope to be, so that i will never lose you.

help me gather the pieces of my heart, so that i can give the best of what's left to you.

help me love you better, so that i can be complete.

help me.

is it real or just another crush?

it's time to give up while i still can. no matter how i look at it, i'm not the one meant to be in that picture. it kills me everytime, but i have to admit the two of them look perfect together. i hit the ground really hard the other day, and i had no one to blame but myself. the higher you climb, the harder you fall. i just can't seem to get that picture out of my mind. i dunno what the hell i was doing, knowing that i never had a place from the beginning, yet still playing along the little fantasies in my head. why me? but i guess i need to refocus my goals for abit, at least for the next four weeks. i can't afford to let myself get caught up in my emotions right now. it was never mine for the taking. why do these feelings seem so real everytime, yet they're always wrong and taken apart in an instant? i know this sounds stupid, but i can't help falling over and over again. i really didn't mean to, never. if i had a choice i wouldn't. but it's really not about choosing or intentions. i guess the only thing left to do is to let it go. i know i have to. i know it's best to. i know i must. but am i able to?

on this cold, wet and rainy night, i realised i'm alone. there's laughter and cheering everywhere, but it's coming from the other side, not from within. friends are all around, but i guess i'm not looking for friends tonight. i'm just getting down on myself. i've learnt that it's ok to be weak and have weaknesses; we're only human after all. but we have to pick ourselves up whether we want to or not. it's nights like these when i wish i had someone to share a meaningful conversation with. someone i know i can talk with forever and not get bored, yet at the same time someone who doesn't need a word, but feels what you're feeling all the same. i just wish i had someone to share the night with.

maybe i'm just not ready, not yet. in a way, i'm happy that it's not me now, because i wouldn't know what to do if it was, and i wouldn't be the right one. you can't love someone if you can't love yourself. i can't exactly find anything to love about myself right now. everyone's just so good at something, and when you're in this society, good is only as good gets. if you want to stand out, you have to be the best. second place just doesn't cut it. maybe i'm just looking at all the wrong things, but right now it feels like i'm trying to rise above the waves and stand on water, when all the time i'm slowly sinking, drowning. maybe all of this is for the best, for now. i have too many things to worry about and too many things to set straight. maybe the right one and the right time will come later. right now, i just have to keep fighting this feeling.

maybe i'm just not the one meant for big things, and my callings are just a small part in people's lives. i'm only the right person at the right time when i'm needed. i think i've accepted what should have been a long time ago. i knew i was never going to be the same, so why am i trying so hard to fit in? it's time i start to understand that certain things are worth losing because no matter what, you still lose them in the end.

on this cold, wet and rainy night, i realised it's alright to be weak. i just need something or someone to help carry me through this time. teach me to be strong, teach me to brave and most importantly, teach me to feel the pain when the hurt gets too much to take. tonight, i'm alone.

i live for days like this. 2day was one of those days when you sit back and feel the breeze, watch the world go by and have a cold one with a couple of your friends. just like darryl said, it's back to the good ol' days. like the time we used to stay back in the ri classroom just to play bridge after a long day. it was just like that; chen, zf, teo and me. it was just such a beautiful day and a perfect way to end off the tiring week. just foamed every night when i got home. i dun believe i did anything other than sleeping after i reached home the whole of this week. i've been really drained out doing all my work in school, but i dun feel like i'm doing alot. it makes me sound damn hardworking when i say i stay back in school everyday to mug til 9, but in truth, i really don't cover alot of ground. and i know i'm racing against time. 7 weeks left to promos, and i'm afraid i'll be out of time before the time comes. i guess it's just down to proper time management. i think i've been doing a good job keeping up with the current work, but it'll take alot outta me to go back and start from square one, which i'll have to. i really don't want to live for this, but right now it's what i have to do.

sometimes i really don't understand what's going on in my head. i know it's wrong and i know the (im)possibilities, but i just won't give up the thought. i just can't let go of hope and i can't do without a chance. this thing is getting a little out of hand, going beyond what i believe i can control. it's just another one of those things i can't get over. i need to get it out of my system. i know what i should be doing but i just can't seem to bring myself to it. sometimes you have to be ruthless to get what you want. i just have to tell myself that it will have to pass eventually. i don't think i can take much more of this. i'm just gettin weaker and weaker, with every passing moment. now that there's a face to the name, i can't escape anymore. this fantasy is going to cost me dearly; i just hope i have enough strength left to face up to it.

sometimes in life, we have to make tough decisions. i'm going to have to make one soon. but sometimes, there are easy choices made for us. like the one tonight, where we played under the stars. with food and music and singing, reliving the old days, just like how it's supposed to be, is not that tough a decision at all.