i'm not one for lists but i have to do this.

MOVIES TO CATCH:

1. The Incredible Hulk

2. Get Smart

3. You Don't Mess With The Zohan

4. Hancock

5. 21

6. Wanted

7. The Happening

8. The Dark Knight

9. Hellboy 2: The Golden Army (thanks to pernjie for bringing this to my attention)

10. The Mummy: Tomb of The Dragon Emperor (this movie from pernjie too)

thats another list where i have so many things to do, yet so little time. i think no. 7 is not screening anymore, guess i can't scare myself anymore (although i still wanna watch it somehow). watched "The Incredible Hulk" yesterday and i must say it was alot better than i expected. i thought it was just the same as the first movie, except with better graphics. but it turned out to be alot more than that. in fact, it was so good it kinda turned me into a hulk fan, lol. oh and the ending was really really good, as in it left alot to be fulfilled and i'm really looking forward to the next movie. here's a little sneak for you marvel fans: anyone wanna see the hulk and iron man go head-to-head? robert downing jr. vs edward norton, 2 guys i've grown to really admire, wouldn't miss it for anything.

the rest of the movies are not so much of a must watch, but "Get Smart" is definitely top priority simply because of anne hathaway (sorrie can't help it), and of course steve carrell (love the dude from the office). i really wanna watch "21"! thanks to anthea's intro, i'm really into it now and i wanna see how the movie turns out, hope it won't be a let down. the next big obstacle, is finding people to go watch these movies with me :/

other than the movies thats been occupying my thoughts lately, i've been pretty busy camera shopping. not for me, but for my cousin from malaysia thats currently staying with me. just today we went all the way down to sim lim square to check out all the cameras. i've learnt a thing or two about camera over the course of the past 2 weeks or so. man, those things are really quite something and i can totally understand why my cousin gets high over it. they are not play things man. these are the big guns, big toys for big boys. anyway, its really great to have something you really want and have the drive to work for it. its the kind of high you get when you succeed, and all that hard work pays of for something you've been waiting for. it takes something different to drive different people. i guess i don't have anything that i really want right now, not something that can be satisfied easily (in every sense of the word). i think i should just keep it simple and leave the bigger things for later. car, anyone? haha :D

so after sim lim, came home and took a dip in the cold and windy pool. i keep saying i wanna swim regularly but it never happens. i think its time for a change. been going down to the pool 2 days in a row and it feels really good, just to soak in the water. i'm hoping it won't end after my cousin leaves and all, cuz right now i'm persuaded by the company. always been talking about running regularly too, need i say more? i think it could really happen this time. cuz i really wanna make it happen. and at the end of it all, i just had a talk with my mum about the exams and stuff. i just realised its nice to talk to my mum when she has the time to listen, which she rarely does. but its a good way to get stuff outta me and a good way to let her know what's going on. now that i've enlightened my mum a little on this CTs, its time to let it go and look forward. the only person that can stop me now is me. i'm really thankful that my parents are willing to help me in every way that they can, but to a certain extent, i have to do this on my own. so let's just take one step at a time. no distractions, no detours.

i've said much more than i intended to. school is here again, and it only reminds me of what i have to do. i may not be as great as some of them, i may not even make it, but i know for sure as hell that i'm gonna leave it all on the table and there's no looking back. the outcome can only say so much. i'll just have to be at peace with my heart and soul. ending off with this green dude, don't mess with him when he's angry. peace.

well, today didnt turn out as well as i hoped it would. it all started when i had to force myself against every last living cell in me to wake up and drag my sorry ass to bishan to gym. its damn painful to have to wake up early just to go do something you HAVE to do. hmmm, that sounds alot like school? after gym, darryl and me went back to school to mug, and things just started to go downhill from there. of all people to run into, she had to be the first one. its damn obvious things are still damn awkward. it those kinda situation where both parties can feel that uncomfortable vibe. at least its an improvement, maybe i just need to give it time.

so anyway, other than that incident, it was kinda smooth sailing for the early part, and i managed to continue from where i left off yesterday. the destruction of induction resumes. after about 2 hours of work, we lost our focus and started to tour around school. found some good locker spots, think i'm gonna kope on thurs, lol. after that, we just got really distracted and started talking to people. we took like a 2 hour break lah. then desperately tried to recover our hot streak, but all we got was really hot (as in literally, it became really warm). so we moved up to the seminar room, and armed with our mochas, we were ready for round 2 in the aircon room. and then it never happened, just went up there to sleep, barely finished my chem.

so after failing miserably to replicate yesterday's mugging miracle, what better way to make ourselves feel better than to play soccer. i'm still horribly out of shape, and i realised you cant play soccer in running shoes. it just doesnt feel the same. which brings me to this conclusion: i want a new pair of soccer shoes. there's really nothing wrong with my current pair, but i just have the urge to get a new one, without the turf studs. so another day ends. damn this. not good, i cannot give in to temptations, such as soccer. and i cannot have anymore unproductive days like this, otherwise it'd be as good as not mugging for cts at all. and every part of me is telling myself that its really a little too late to even wish for a miracle, but i just can't not try.

speaking of temptations, i'm such a sucker for them. i just cant help but let my mind wander off sometimes (ok maybe more than just SOMEtimes). but i really have to stop myself, i cant let these fantasies in my head control the rest of my functioning emotions. and sometimes i just really wish i could just find the balls to just approach certain people. maybe just eye contact or a smile. ah, but all of these are just fleeting fantasies. look at what happened the last time i tried something like this. i guess things are just better to be left this way. if it happens, then good. if not, then it'll just be another item under the "never-meant-to-be" list. at this point, i must say one thing: fate screws with you. how many times in the space of a day/week do you have to see a person before you can safely say that you're both fated? and the weird feeling about that is, you both know that each other exists, and you kinda know the other person knows too. but you just never utter a word or make eye contact. hai, i'm just running circles in my head again. someone please stop me. tell me is just going to be another mistake, another heartbreak. i need to de-fog my intuition glasses immediately. so much for "not going to try anymore of this kind of stunt and focus on studies". first part, fail. second part, definitely fail.

today was NOT a good day, relatively. but thankfully there's always tomorrow (which are numbered). always a tomorrow to screw up, to make mistakes and to make up for the mistakes of today. til tomorrow, peace.

something she's keeping from me,
i'm not dumb, don't give a damn.
three's not a crowd,
i'm a man, i'm a man.

Celtics' Big Three

If only I could play with as much heart as this big guy...

i'm back! i just wanted to have a kick outta saying that. it's been the longest time since i last blogged, guess i just didnt have the motivation to blog. i always end up saying this, and i always end up having to say this more than once, but what the heck i'm going to say this anyway. hopefully, most probably, with any luck, i'll blog more consistently from now. kinda nice to have a place to go to once in awhile.

so anyway, its the hols and blah blah blah. i think the story's been told far too many times so i'll just spare everyone the pain and horror of hearing it again. i'm officially screwed over, in every which way possible. and now, onto the fun stuff, lol. today was soccer! finally got the opportunity to have a game back at the good ol' RI field. although it was kinda bummer when we got chased off the new and improved astro by the J2 dudes, i guess it turned out alright eventually. totally lost touch with soccer, and i'm totally out of shape. i need to start running and getting myself back into shape (which includes gymming and all).

talking about gettin back into shape, i need to get my life back on track. i kinda lost my way and all, had no sense of purpose or direction these past few months. i lost all that drive and passion and dreams that gave meaning to this life, gave me a reason to move forward and not dwell on the past. well, i must say i havent found a reason strong enough for me to challenge mortality, but i guess i could start with the small things and give my existence some justification. i want to be a better person. i want my do something meaningful with my life. and i guess it really doesnt matter what other people think of you. you don't need someone else to tell you that you are a good person. you just have to know that you're doing the right thing.

people can see right through you, and tell that your not being sincere. don't let what's on the surface blind you from what's hidden beneath. i should really give myself a chance to see past all that false pretences and empty shells, because i don't think i have very much more of myself to give if i keep giving myself away, to the people who keep on breaking my heart. i just wish a better part of me could have been better spent on the people who deserve it. i really feel like i have nothing left to give. i just don't want to try and end up failing myself, and the people who actually care. there are just too few who truly have a heart of gold. who have character, personality and a "real-ness" about them. they can see past all that superficiality and materialism. i really want the best for these people, because they deserve someone who loves them, and someone who would give them their all. no one is born perfect, but some are just born lucky. i'm lucky in many ways, just certain people are luckier in much more.

and speaking of luck, it's friday the 13th. so much for good luck. i kinda wish the world would end today, so i don't have to worry about tomorrow. but that would be so unfortunate, wouldn't it? and i think i have nothing better to say. so since i have nothing better to say, i shall say nothing. til the next time my words have meaning again, peace.

you'll always be a part of me,
i'm part of you indefinitely.
girl don't you know you can't escape me,
ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby.

and we'll linger on,
time can't erase a feeling this strong.
no way you're never gonna shake me,
ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby.

this post goes out to you.

for the people that made my day

jia

suren

greg

chew min

anthea

poo

for poo, you saved me from my troubles as much as i've saved you from yours this year, whether you know it or not. i'm thankful for a friend like you, so thanks :D

and for the other wishes

all the bball dudes

su

pei ting

pern jie

ada

grace

jasmine

shiao

xifang

zn

arias

janice

and for janice, dunno if your reading this but ur msg really stunned me 2day cuz you actually remembered my bday! and i'm a big enuff dumbhead to forget yours :( the number one sin. but fret not, here's a happy belated wish going out to you! and definitely a little surprise next year :)

i dun usually do this, but i gotta put it all out in words somewhere. 1st june '08 was a good day, i'm hoping other june 1sts will be just as great. til next year, when leech and i will be having a big bash of a party. but keeping it simple would do wonders as well. thanks to all for june 1st!