" It's harder to lose something, than to not have it at all." - The Quiet

ok, i give in... i must admit that i'm missing chinese a tad bit... a TAD bit... and its all the chinese songs' fault... i think i've said this b4 but i'll say it again, chinese songs can express so much more emotions in the same amount of words or less (than english songs), which makes chinese songs so much more beautiful at times... hai, which is why i'm beginning to regret a little, not appreciating the finer side to the language... and i'm only realising this just as i have bade it goodbye... i used to love chinese songs back in pri skul and i actually daresay i liked chinese back then... but i guess i slowly drifted away from it and with the recent (or not too recent) teachers, i guess it just didnt really help the chinese situation at all...

but anyway, it just started with the song 关怀方式 by 陈汉玮 and 蔡礼莲... its a super old song and i've been hunting for it since 4ever... finally found it this morning and i just had to put it up here... do you still remember the time when we were singing this song? i still remember the way you hummed to the tune, which sounded exactly like the female singer in the song's background... this song is just so simple, but somehow (to me at least) its just seems to mean so much more... that's not all, this morning as i was shopping for groceries with my family, i heard an accoustic version of a chinese song on the radio in the supermarket... i immediately caught up with the song and straight away i knew i've heard it b4... i just couldnt find the lyrics, nor the title... so it stuck with me the whole day until about an hour ago when i searched the net and found the song... it was actually 孤单北半球 by 欧得洋... man, the lyrics were at the tip of my tongue... and that's still not the worst part... i went through my collection of cds (which frankly, is not alot) and i found that album! it was the only chinese album i ever had, and it just had to be the album with the song that was stuck in my head the whole day (how else can fate meddle with your life?)... so i started listening to the album again and i realised that there are so many nice songs on it that i used to love... they're abit kiddy and naive but they're just so good, and since when have i escaped naivety? these songs are somehow more than just soothing melodies, they mean something... and seriously, no extra credit for being chinese songs...

really, you never miss the water until the well runs dry... of all things to miss, i'd never thought i would feel a thing for chinese, guess i'm human after all... and its the damn songs... why must chinese (love) songs be so good? maybe i should put up a few more songs, if i feel like it...

you know, i had a dream last night, that we got back together... i know it sounds cliché, but i really didnt wanna wake up... this might be weird coming from me but i thought that if we could be together again for just one more day, i would die happy... and it would be the most beautiful dream come true... words won't do me any justice, and i don't even know if you still come here... but really, i hope you get to hear the song, somehow... and all i need to know, is that between us, there's always still, a maybe...

oh wow, i nvr thought i'd get the chance to say this... I GRADUATED! well, 2day was grad ceremony... its one of those times in your life, when you look back, you know regardless of all the wrongs and rights, it is YOUR moment... your time to shine... to be totally honest, i didnt feel at all emotional... it didnt feel like the last time sitting in the hall, the last time listening to the headmaster's speech, the last of the last... it felt just like any other assembly, it almost felt as if i'm awaiting the next skul day the following monday... but sooner or later, reality will kick in and i will realise that i'm no longer a student of Raffles Institution... i am no longer bound by the bricks and mortar, but i will be forever captured within all the memories of this institution... the ceremony went quite smoothly, no big hiccups... all the moving speeches and stuff, and still i have no reaction... it juz really felt so weird, no sadness, no reminiscing, just another day at skul... well, thats not true for everyone though... i saw tears in mrs. tan's eyes, but i know they were tears of joy... and i'm sure many other teachers feel the same way... aside from the ceremony, spammed hell lots of pictures in class... but i didnt bring my camera! wasted, now i'm at the mercy of shawn and chee yang... hope they send me the pictures soon...

it just feels so weird... now i'm beginning to wonder if we were supposed to feel anything at all in the first place... everyone just seems so happy, rejoicing... cheerful laughter everywhere... anyway, other than this very big last, we had one big last on wed as well... we had our higher chinese O's on wed... and i must say it was relatively well handled i think... paper 1 was a tad bit tricky at first but after sorting it out it went pretty smoothly, now i can only hope and pray... as for paper 2, generally ok but it could turn out otherwise... almost had the same situation of not finishing the paper again, but chionged and ended up finishing 15 mins early... well, so much for the last exams ever in RI... no regrets and after the paper we all gave a well deserved cheer...

argh, no matter what i do i just cant seem to get the feeling to sink in... its so strange, it really feels like school hasnt ended... i could almost see myself returning to RI for school again next year... hai, but i'm not... we're gonna see everyone again but its just totally different... what makes memories? izzit the people? the place? or the moments you shared with these people in these places? i think its only a matter of time b4 my emotions take over... so with that, we've ended another chapter of our lives, and embarking on another... i really dun have the emotions to say much right now, pretty much everything i've said was out of context or just really dead...
maybe when the times comes i'll have something much more meaningful to express, and really let out all my feelings... b4 i stop ranting, i think the most appropriate song for this occasion has got to be Matchbox Twenty's "How Far We've Come"... it just really fits the mood in every way possible... its juz the most apt song right now... take a look at some of the lyrics, i think they actually mean something... almost 4got! 2morrow gonna go out grad night shopping and on sun we're going to sentosa! think its really gonna be a blast, hope to come back with a nice tan and lotsa pictures! til then, when the time is right, peace...