i've got to love myself a little bit more, and love you a little bit less. i realised you're not that hard to forget. or maybe i'm just not trying hard enough to remember. this all feels like a sweet dream thrown into the deep end of the pool. i think i feel numb, because i can't even tell what i'm feeling right now. so many excuses, and yet so little time. in 4 to 5 months time, i could look back on this week and regret it for the rest of my life, but why wait until then? there just seems like so many reasons to fall right now, but i will not let myself. i have always been a fighter, and i always will be. without you, i do not give up. when the going gets tough, the fighter gets going. everything feels like it's stacked against me right now. my faith, my strength, my courage and most importantly, my desire to succeed, will all be tested.

maybe life's really not about a couple of alphabets on a piece of paper, but try telling that to the rest of the world. life's about living, and make no mistake, i'm going to live it to the fullest. and even if i fail, i will find another way. because life doesn't stop, and neither does living. so i'll take my shot and i'll take my chances. it's time to make the most of it. fingers crossed and eyes closed, because right now, i don't want to see the world any more than it wants to see me. it's 12 days and counting, but who's counting?

a night run is refreshingly a new day in an old town, and that's just how i like it.

this is one heart, you can't bleed out.

my eyebags are heavy, like the weight on my chest.
i try to get it off, but it only gets heavier at best.
when you feel like giving up, don't give in.
be sure they will find you out, your darkest sins.

two words: fuck life.

one thing i've learnt, is to never tell the truth, no matter the price. the world can't handle the truth, society can't handle the truth, and most of all, you can't handle the truth. between doing the right thing and doing what makes you feel good, always, always fucking choose what makes you feel good. because it's not worth it. not when your honesty and trust counts for shit. so lesson learnt: be a coward, and live the rest of your damned life as a lie. never tell the truth, never be brave and most importantly, never, ever give your heart away. this is what you get for love. life is a joke, so smile when you can, and never take anything too seriously. just roll with the punches and stay alive.

victory's within the mile,
almost there, don't give up now.

so here we stand, in our secret place.
where the sound of the crowd, is so far away.
you take my hand, and it feels like home.
we both understand, it's where we belong.

so how do i say, do i say goodbye?
we both have our dreams, we both wanna fly.
so let's take tonight,
to carry us through the lonely times.

i'll always look back, as i walk away,
this memory will last, for eternity.
and all of our tears, will be lost in the rain,
when i find my way back, to your arms again.

but until that day, you know you are, the queen of my heart.

so let's take tonight, and never let go,
while dancing we'll kiss, like there's no tomorrow.
as the stars sparkle down, like a diamond ring,
i'll treasure this moment, til we meet again.

no matter how far,
away you may be.
i just close my eyes,
and you're in my dreams.
and there you will be,
until we meet.

love in technicolour, sprayed out on walls,
i've been pounding on the pavement, 'til there's nothing at all.
i got my cloak and dagger, in a bar room brawl,
see the local loves a fighter,
loves a winner to fall.

it don't matter, i won't do what you say,
you've got the money and the power.
i won't go your way,
i can't take for the people, they don't matter at all,
i'll be waiting in the shadows, 'til the day that you fall.

kill me if you dare,
hold my head up everywhere,
keep myself right on this train.

it's time to turn on the radio, and flip the channel to the oldies. desperate, futile attempts to let the music take me back to a place i was never at, but a place i probably belonged. it's oddly therapeutic to have the radio play a song you've never heard before, but be able to recite every word of the lyrics. when the radio plays that song again, it's no time to cry, but to smile, for every memory that we shared. if you don't love me, let me know. if you still love me, don't let me go.

even with our fists held high,
it never would have worked out right.
we were never meant for do or die,
we were always meant to say goodbye.

started with a perfect kiss then,
we could feel the poison set in,
perfect couldn't keep this love alive.
you know that i love you so, i love you enough to let you go.

i want you to know that it doesn't matter,
where we take this road, someone's gotta go.
and i want you to know, you couldn't have loved me better,
but i want you to move on, so i'm already gone.

i'm already gone, already gone.
you can't make it feel right, when you know that it's wrong.
i'm already gone, already gone.
there's no moving on, 'cause i'm already gone.

"Think where man's glory most begins and ends,
and say my glory was I had such friends."

when i grew up and fell in love,
i asked my sweetheart, "what lies ahead?
will we have rainbows, day after day?"
here's what my sweetheart said,

"que sera, sera.
whatever will be, will be.
the future's not ours to see.
que sera, sera.
what will be, will be"