i'm not going to say too much here. i think the letters above says it all. i'm no longer concerned about competing against others. i think i've come to realise that the greatest competition is from within. it's okay to overachieve and fail, at least you could say you've overachieved. and partly because i realised, or was forced into acceptance by humiliation, that you are truly good. due credit must be given when deserved, even if reluctantly. you are not only bright, but hardworking to boot, so kudos to you. but now i should focus my attention on me. this prelims have shown me that i'm grossly inadequate, yet at the same time it delivered hope. i think i'm finally beginning to see that we'll all get there, it's only a matter of how well we do and whether we can accept our grades. the final consolation is that there is still, albeit little, time. one thing i must resign to is that i'm useless at bio. i'm officially an invalid in bio.

the two of you are like a match made in heaven, and all the angels are clearly singing. i feel like i'm wedging myself in between, but i can't help it. this is not a self-defeating mentality; this is fate and how badly it screws with your life. he is just a perfect cognitive match for you, and that's almost an impossible match. you were just made for each other. he's perfect for you, but you're perfect for me. so what will it be? i don't want to give you up and i'm certainly not giving in, but i spend every waking moment contemplating the possibility that i'm just the one who loves you, while he is just the one. it was always going to be your happiness before mine, so if ever the day comes when you'll be happier with him, i will not stand in the way. but until that day comes, i will bleed my heart out for you, because there is just no one else this heart will bleed for ever again. i may not be perfect for you, but believe me, everyday i try to be.

time is on our side, but that depends which side we're on.