it's funny how one moment you're on top of the world, and the next you're deep down at the bottom clawing your way out. somehow, something you said struck a raw nerve. it got me going in the opposite direction. for awhile, i couldn't get enough of you. but now, i've had enough of you. it's not meant to be bitter or sour, but enough is enough. i can't say the revelation couldn't have come sooner. it should have.

now things are quite simple. the fact is i've not been putting in as much effort as i should have. all the high hopes and expectations will come to nought. i just can't feel the "drive" i did 6 years ago, if you can even call it drive back then. but still, that is no excuse. there's no time for regrets now, just have to make do with what i have. it may not be much, but it's something to work on. when i look back, i wonder if i'll be happy with what i've done? will i actually regret the times i've wasted away? i'm using every ounce of strength in me to deny with conviction. but the truth cannot be denied. time is short. if i'm better than what i claim to be, i will have to prove it. one way or another. only one thing speaks for itself. the rest will come later. you've picked me up, and now you've set me down. for that i thank you. from here on out, i'm on my own.

intensity begins, hesitancy stops. i will find a better place. with or without you.