i feel so unsure,
as i take your hand and lead you to the dancefloor.
as the music dies, something in your eyes,
calls to mind a silver screen, and all it's sad goodbyes.

to the heart and mind,
ignorance is kind.
and there's no comfort in the truth,
pain is the hole you'll find.

tonight the music seems so loud,
i wish that we could lose this crowd.
maybe it's better this way,
we'd hurt each other with the things we want to say.

we could have been so good together,
we could have lived this dance forever.
but now who's gonna dance with me?
please stay.

it's funny how one moment you're on top of the world, and the next you're deep down at the bottom clawing your way out. somehow, something you said struck a raw nerve. it got me going in the opposite direction. for awhile, i couldn't get enough of you. but now, i've had enough of you. it's not meant to be bitter or sour, but enough is enough. i can't say the revelation couldn't have come sooner. it should have.

now things are quite simple. the fact is i've not been putting in as much effort as i should have. all the high hopes and expectations will come to nought. i just can't feel the "drive" i did 6 years ago, if you can even call it drive back then. but still, that is no excuse. there's no time for regrets now, just have to make do with what i have. it may not be much, but it's something to work on. when i look back, i wonder if i'll be happy with what i've done? will i actually regret the times i've wasted away? i'm using every ounce of strength in me to deny with conviction. but the truth cannot be denied. time is short. if i'm better than what i claim to be, i will have to prove it. one way or another. only one thing speaks for itself. the rest will come later. you've picked me up, and now you've set me down. for that i thank you. from here on out, i'm on my own.

intensity begins, hesitancy stops. i will find a better place. with or without you.

like moth to a flame, i'm charred to a crisp. you are my living flame. you are the goddess the kings and gods worship. just when i thought i could not be any less worthy of someone, you came strolling along into my life. there's something about you i just can't put my finger on. it's not your boundless knowledge of everything in existence. it's not your casual cool-ness in the way you carry yourself. it's definitely not how you stole my gaze the minute you walked in, and returning it only after you drift out like a careless breeze. you seem so carefree, yet inside you're calculated and controlled. the vast distance between who you are and who i want myself to be cannot be represented by any quantifiable variable. you are simply out of the question. it's very simple, yet extremely complicated at the same time. why do i keep going in over my head? what's worse, this time the hole i've dug for myself is even deeper than before, and i just can't stop digging. it's perverse, to the furthest, most obscure depths of it's definition. how can it be so wrong, when it feels so right?

i have to find a way to temper my obsession. i must learn to tame the emotions, before i let them get the better of my judgement. i need to find the calm and stillness from within, like sipping hot tea in the eye of the storm. the goal is very clear, and removing you from the picture is the only way to reach it. you will never understand how incredibly difficult it is for me to feel the way i feel, and act like it never crossed my mind. there is nothing you can't do, except convince me that everything will be fine. it will not, because you crossed my path, and it has since forever changed. the whole concept of you is amazing. you are everything no one could have imagined. there is just no reasonable or rational explaination for your existence, because heaven would have never allowed someone so perfect to be created. you are beyond perfect.

the road to redemption is a long one. it begins by not hiding my feelings, but learning to balance them. the matters of the heart to contend with the matter of the mind. the one who's good enough is the person i will never be. you have everything in the palm of your hands. you will not fuel my obsession anymore. i think i've fallen for you, so i know i have to let myself go. if it's not meant to be, it will never be. stop living inside my head, because the real world is cruel and painfully real. you leave me speechless. you are everything that defines everything i've ever dreamt of. you are surreal. you are a trickster, and you will be my daemon. you are a living flame, and i am burnt.

you're what i go to school for.

really should stop my stalker-ish behavior, even i find myself scary. but i just can't seem to take my eyes of her. she shouldn't be the prize, because there's alot greater in store, but she is the one distraction i just keep falling for. come on, i need to stop this and focus for real.

the evening is perfect. the sky and weather, immaculate. if only this was a sign for things to come. how am i ever going to find anything worthy enough to bridge this gap? is there anything i can do to cross this great divide? maybe for a start, i could get my act together and start setting it right. but even if i did that, i still wouldn't be good enough. it's a fact i'll just have to wrap my head around, eventually.

ok, it's really time to go all out. i keep saying that in desperate hopes that it'll miraculously come true. cannot afford to get left behind, again. everyone else is picking up the slack, and i'm struggling to keep up. this four day weekend is the make-or-break period. it's going to ignite the spark, or put it out. i need to make this work, one way or another. i can't seem to stress the importance of it enough, especially to myself.

stop getting distracted, even for awhile. you know you can't have her so don't even stop to think about it.

this evening is perfect. let it remind you of what you will never be, yet at the same time let it coax you into believing that something out there is worth it all.

i'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence i have, and cannonball into the water.