you can lie about your past, you can try your hardest to forget it, you can even pretend it never happened, but you just can't run away from it. your past will always find a way to catch up to you. it's like a black mark, forever on the record of your life, like a scar. you can put away the bad, painful memories, things you wish you never did, but there's just nowhere to hide when it all comes rushing back like a broken dam.

no one is exempt from mistakes. we all had our fair share of stupid, foolish, rash, immature mistakes. we make them, we learn, we move on. these mistakes don't define us, they tell us who we're not. i'm not the same sad, sorry, little boy i was 3 years ago. i've learnt some painful lessons since then, and i'm still learning. it took me awhile, but i've accepted it and moved on. maybe it's a little unfair to expect the same from you, but i expected better. it definitely wasn't how i pictured it in my mind, and it kinda stung a little. looking back, i guess i have no right to even hold my breath. today reminded me that i never want to be that little boy i was 3 years ago, i may not be any better but at least i'm not that person anymore.

for a long time, i've stopped trying to be a better person. i just let all these circumstances push me around, making excuses for the person i've become. all these mistakes and tribulations, are just tests of our will and faith. for too long i've just sat there and accepted my "destiny", just letting "fate" impose its will on me. maybe it's time to take what i've been given, and use it for a better cause, because wallowing in self-pity is simply too selfish. the world is trying to break me. everything that goes wrong is trying to break me. my faltering faith is trying to break me. but i will not be broken. there are times when giving up or quitting or breaking down is the right thing to do, but this is not one of those times. i will make it through a stronger person, and when i look back on my life, i will know it was all worth it, even the most unforgivable of mistakes. maybe it's time i try again, because not trying is simply not good enough.

today, i realised how weak i once was, but at the same time, i realised how strong i've grown since then. i now know that i never want to be that person again, and that i've learnt from my mistakes. my conscience is clear and these demons won't haunt me anymore. i'm meant to be better, and my mistakes will not be in vain. it's time to step out of another darkness while you step out of this one.