i'm so tired. i'm so tired of being second best. i'm so tired of not being good enough. i'm so tired of falling short. i'm so tired of not making the cut. i'm so tired of failing. i'm so tired of feeling sorry for myself. i'm so tired of trying to be strong when there's nothing left. i'm so tired, but i just can't sleep tonight.

it sucks to be second best. it sucks to suck. and the worst thing is there's no one you can blame but yourself. sometimes i really wish i could just blame everyone else for my failures. i'm just so sick and fucking tired of losing. what do i have to do to win? everyone else just seems to better me. everything is just coming in all at once, it doesn't even give you time to understand what is happening. i'm just so tired i dunno what i'm feeling anymore. i'm so sick of letting everyone else see how useless i am everytime i fail. i know i shouldn't be defeated by all this, but i have no strength left to fight. it really isn't enough to have tried your best and fall short, because deep down you know your best don't stand a chance, and in the real world that means you might as well not have tried. everyone can say it's how you pick yourself up from these kind of situations, that make you a better person, but how do you pick yourself up when it was you who let yourself down in the first place? how do YOU pick yourself up when YOU are simply not good enough? i'm really tired of fighting for something that will never come. i'm tired of fighting for what i believe in because there are still going to be people better than you who are going to beat you to it every single time, no matter how hard you try. i might as well just give the fuck up right now.

what happens when your dream gets taken away? do you stop dreaming? what if you didn't do enough to protect your dream? would you hold onto the next one like it was the last thing you had? would you give everything to protect it? what if you still lose it in the end? what happens then?

i really want to believe that tomorrow will be a better day, but that day just never comes.

teach me how to be satisfied or teach me how to win.