The Eagles
Hotel California

On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair,
warm smell of colitas, rising up through the air.
Up ahead in the distance, I saw a shimmering light,
my head grew heavy and my sight grew dim, I had to stop for the night.

There she stood in the doorway, I heard the mission bell,
then I was thinking to myself this could be Heaven or this could be Hell.
Then she lit up a candle, and she showed me the way,
there were voices down the corridor, thought I heard them say

"Welcome to the Hotel California,
such a lovely place, such a lovely face.
Plenty of room at the Hotel California,
any time of year, you can find it here."

Her mind is Tiffany twisted, she got the Mercedes Benz,
she got alot of pretty, pretty boys that she calls friends.
How they dance in the courtyard, sweet summer sweat,
some dance to remember, some dance to forget.

So I called up the captain, "Please bring me my wine."
He said, "We haven't had that spirit here since 1969."
And still those voices are calling from far away,
wake you up in the middle of the night just to hear them say

"Welcome to the Hotel California,
such a lovely place, such a lovely face.
They're living it up at the Hotel California,
what a nice surprise, bring your alibis."

Mirrors on the ceiling, the pink champagne on ice,
and she said, "We are all just prisoners here of our own device."
And in the master's chambers, they gathered for the feast,
they stab it with their steely knives but they just can't kill the beast.

Last thing I remember, I was running for the door,
I had to find the passage back to the place I was before.
"Relax", said the nightman, "we are programmed to receive",
"You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave".

one of the all time classics. it's hauntingly addictive, with all the guitar solos leaving you wanting more. if you think about it, it has a creepy-eerie sound to it which makes it all the more enticing. and what with all the rumours about backmasking and subliminal messages. this song is one for the ages. dun look at what the subconscious mind is supposed to hear, just look at what the conscious mind is hearing. this song just captures the essence of our society today. i fear we're all trapped in some kind of "Hotel California", and we have to find a way out before it's too late.

I need to find a way out.

the first time he touched a guitar was at a songwriters' convention, and it was the last time he shed silent tears in his room late at night. empty promises were broken chords and lies were the words that didn't fit the rhyme.

he spilled all of his sadness and emotions into his songs and made beautiful magic. to him, music became the air that filled his lungs and the paper cups that caught his tears.

he didn't make music with his hands or his voice or his instrument. he made music with his heart and soul, and it filled the void that love left behind.

he found solace in the tunes that only he could hear, as he played with the phantom band. his audience were the lost souls and fallen stars; quiet heartbreak and deafening loss.

he became a songwriter; he was the maker of his own music.

i'm so tired. i'm so tired of being second best. i'm so tired of not being good enough. i'm so tired of falling short. i'm so tired of not making the cut. i'm so tired of failing. i'm so tired of feeling sorry for myself. i'm so tired of trying to be strong when there's nothing left. i'm so tired, but i just can't sleep tonight.

it sucks to be second best. it sucks to suck. and the worst thing is there's no one you can blame but yourself. sometimes i really wish i could just blame everyone else for my failures. i'm just so sick and fucking tired of losing. what do i have to do to win? everyone else just seems to better me. everything is just coming in all at once, it doesn't even give you time to understand what is happening. i'm just so tired i dunno what i'm feeling anymore. i'm so sick of letting everyone else see how useless i am everytime i fail. i know i shouldn't be defeated by all this, but i have no strength left to fight. it really isn't enough to have tried your best and fall short, because deep down you know your best don't stand a chance, and in the real world that means you might as well not have tried. everyone can say it's how you pick yourself up from these kind of situations, that make you a better person, but how do you pick yourself up when it was you who let yourself down in the first place? how do YOU pick yourself up when YOU are simply not good enough? i'm really tired of fighting for something that will never come. i'm tired of fighting for what i believe in because there are still going to be people better than you who are going to beat you to it every single time, no matter how hard you try. i might as well just give the fuck up right now.

what happens when your dream gets taken away? do you stop dreaming? what if you didn't do enough to protect your dream? would you hold onto the next one like it was the last thing you had? would you give everything to protect it? what if you still lose it in the end? what happens then?

i really want to believe that tomorrow will be a better day, but that day just never comes.

teach me how to be satisfied or teach me how to win.

Stressed is just Desserts spelled backwards.

The best part of the day is over when the alarm goes.

it's the hols again, and the end of the year is just round the corner. so many things happened this year i can't possibly say my life is boring, like it ever was. i think this academic year would be best described as bittersweet. there was first this rude awakening, that life in jc wasn't going to be as easy as i think, and it still isn't. and that's where many nights were spent in the lib just mugging. just mugging. and then came the rewards. not exceptional, but enough to work on. which just sets the tone for the coming year, where everything is going to be twice as tough in half the time. we gotta be ready from the get-go cause its all we've got. it's all going to come down to this. 1 year from now.

and then of course there were many life lessons learnt along the way. what is life without the lessons? i think this year was a reality check. another year of mistakes, and another year of painful lessons. this is all just a small sample of what the real world would be like out there. but there were the better times as well. i think i kinda saw who my real friends were through all that turmoil and madness of jc life. there were lots of fun along the way, you just have to go out of the way to find it.

anyways, back to the hols. it's going to be the last real hols i'll have for the year ahead and i wanna make the most of it. i keep saying that i'll plan my hols but i'll just end up wasting it away. but with so many things ahead in my last year, this is may be only time i have to do the things i want, and do something meaningful with my life. it's not about how my life compares with other people, but how i want to live it and make the most of it. this hols is going to be quite a long one, but there are lots of things to do. which is why i'm going to do a list. never has there been a time where planning is of greater importance.

on a side note, now's the perfect time for a spring fling. i'm not in it for the commitment and i'm just looking for some company when i'm lonely. but is this really the kind of person i want to become? shallow and superficial? i dun think i'll ever sell myself for something like that. which is why getting attached, will not be on my list this hols. period.

i think it's enough of the red tape, i should just get down to it. THE LIST. i'm just going to spam the things i wanna do in no particular order of any kind. hope i'll be able to accomplish most of it, because it could possibly be a full year til i get to do things of this nature again.

To-Do List (Nov 5 - Jan 11):
1. Revise JC1 Chem

2. Revise JC1 Math

3. Revise JC1 Bio

4. Revise JC1 Econs

5. Play Pool (2)

6. Go Bowling

7. Watch a Movie (1)

8. Go Sentosa (again)

9. Learn how to play a Guitar

10. Learn how to cook

11. Play soccer (3)

12. Play tennis (1)

13. Stay over at a friend's house (again)

14. Have a barbeque

15. Read a book (1)

16. Australia

17. Sabah

18. KL

19. Save money

20. Buy new shirts

21. Buy new shorts

22. Buy a new pair of shoes (Casual)(Basketball)(Running)

23. Buy something for my room

24. Play Poker with friends

25. Volunteer for a good cause

26. Tidy my room

i think i'll just leave it at that for the time being. until i find more fun and interesting stuff to add to the list.

fate fell short this time
your smile fades in the summer
place your hand in mine
i'll leave when I wanna