on this cold, wet and rainy night, i realised i'm alone. there's laughter and cheering everywhere, but it's coming from the other side, not from within. friends are all around, but i guess i'm not looking for friends tonight. i'm just getting down on myself. i've learnt that it's ok to be weak and have weaknesses; we're only human after all. but we have to pick ourselves up whether we want to or not. it's nights like these when i wish i had someone to share a meaningful conversation with. someone i know i can talk with forever and not get bored, yet at the same time someone who doesn't need a word, but feels what you're feeling all the same. i just wish i had someone to share the night with.

maybe i'm just not ready, not yet. in a way, i'm happy that it's not me now, because i wouldn't know what to do if it was, and i wouldn't be the right one. you can't love someone if you can't love yourself. i can't exactly find anything to love about myself right now. everyone's just so good at something, and when you're in this society, good is only as good gets. if you want to stand out, you have to be the best. second place just doesn't cut it. maybe i'm just looking at all the wrong things, but right now it feels like i'm trying to rise above the waves and stand on water, when all the time i'm slowly sinking, drowning. maybe all of this is for the best, for now. i have too many things to worry about and too many things to set straight. maybe the right one and the right time will come later. right now, i just have to keep fighting this feeling.

maybe i'm just not the one meant for big things, and my callings are just a small part in people's lives. i'm only the right person at the right time when i'm needed. i think i've accepted what should have been a long time ago. i knew i was never going to be the same, so why am i trying so hard to fit in? it's time i start to understand that certain things are worth losing because no matter what, you still lose them in the end.

on this cold, wet and rainy night, i realised it's alright to be weak. i just need something or someone to help carry me through this time. teach me to be strong, teach me to brave and most importantly, teach me to feel the pain when the hurt gets too much to take. tonight, i'm alone.