i live for days like this. 2day was one of those days when you sit back and feel the breeze, watch the world go by and have a cold one with a couple of your friends. just like darryl said, it's back to the good ol' days. like the time we used to stay back in the ri classroom just to play bridge after a long day. it was just like that; chen, zf, teo and me. it was just such a beautiful day and a perfect way to end off the tiring week. just foamed every night when i got home. i dun believe i did anything other than sleeping after i reached home the whole of this week. i've been really drained out doing all my work in school, but i dun feel like i'm doing alot. it makes me sound damn hardworking when i say i stay back in school everyday to mug til 9, but in truth, i really don't cover alot of ground. and i know i'm racing against time. 7 weeks left to promos, and i'm afraid i'll be out of time before the time comes. i guess it's just down to proper time management. i think i've been doing a good job keeping up with the current work, but it'll take alot outta me to go back and start from square one, which i'll have to. i really don't want to live for this, but right now it's what i have to do.

sometimes i really don't understand what's going on in my head. i know it's wrong and i know the (im)possibilities, but i just won't give up the thought. i just can't let go of hope and i can't do without a chance. this thing is getting a little out of hand, going beyond what i believe i can control. it's just another one of those things i can't get over. i need to get it out of my system. i know what i should be doing but i just can't seem to bring myself to it. sometimes you have to be ruthless to get what you want. i just have to tell myself that it will have to pass eventually. i don't think i can take much more of this. i'm just gettin weaker and weaker, with every passing moment. now that there's a face to the name, i can't escape anymore. this fantasy is going to cost me dearly; i just hope i have enough strength left to face up to it.

sometimes in life, we have to make tough decisions. i'm going to have to make one soon. but sometimes, there are easy choices made for us. like the one tonight, where we played under the stars. with food and music and singing, reliving the old days, just like how it's supposed to be, is not that tough a decision at all.