today was a really good day. everything seemed to flow so smoothly, just couldn't find anything out of place. i feel really accomplished today, somehow. but i'm totally wiped and drained right now. lots happened today, but if i had to pick one thing (which i'm doing now), it had to be O'team briefing. its actually not very much of a big deal, but it kinda was for me. although it was just a briefing, it was something that i didnt want to miss. i think i've said this to almost everyone i spoke to about OGL, and for the last time i'll say it:
I've not wanted something this badly for a very long time.
i'm super on about being OGL and all right now, but i know it's going to take alot of hard work and effort that i'm not sure i'm able to give. and the darker side of me is afraid of rejection and failure, so much so that half of me is already giving up and preparing for the worse. but the better half is going to give everything and really work towards this goal. this is the goal and reason i've been looking for to push me through the 2nd half of the year. it not only gives me another reason to get my grades straight, it has also become THE reason to get my act together. everything else right now is almost secondary (except that of which would help me get that OGL spot). i know i'm going to give my all in reaching out for this goal, but i also know i should be at peace if i don't manage to get it. i won't give up the fight and i won't let myself down. all the sweeter the taste of success :D
anyway, other than O'team briefing today, stayed back to help prepare for the handover ceremony 2morrow for the bballers, which includes a stayover in school. kinda looking forward to it, hope it'll fun. other than that, the thing that's been constantly harassing my mind are the papers. we havent gotten back anything except for a few tiny MCQ scripts, while other classes have at least 2 scores to compare with already. i dunno why i'm so anxious to get the papers when i know that there won't be anything worth anticipating. i just need to put my mind at ease and let reality sink in. whatever the grade, i need to start serious work before its too late. i'm not going to slip into that pathetic state of pretense again. there's no now or never; there's only NOW.
and my relatives from malaysia are coming down this weekend, so i've effectively just kissed another weekend goodbye. but i'm hoping to do some serious shopping this weekend. i'm just gonna let loose and go retail crazy. i'm gonna get those collared shirts i've been wanting for so long, and maybe some other good stuff along the way. plus, its going to be the last time i'll see my cousin before he flies off to the states for a year. so it should be fun all around, and hopefully we'll have much more than just heavy shopping bags to carry. and once again i think i overshot my word limit, so i'll stop here (this was supposed to be a short post -.-) follow your dreams to the world's end, peace.
