well, today didnt turn out as well as i hoped it would. it all started when i had to force myself against every last living cell in me to wake up and drag my sorry ass to bishan to gym. its damn painful to have to wake up early just to go do something you HAVE to do. hmmm, that sounds alot like school? after gym, darryl and me went back to school to mug, and things just started to go downhill from there. of all people to run into, she had to be the first one. its damn obvious things are still damn awkward. it those kinda situation where both parties can feel that uncomfortable vibe. at least its an improvement, maybe i just need to give it time.

so anyway, other than that incident, it was kinda smooth sailing for the early part, and i managed to continue from where i left off yesterday. the destruction of induction resumes. after about 2 hours of work, we lost our focus and started to tour around school. found some good locker spots, think i'm gonna kope on thurs, lol. after that, we just got really distracted and started talking to people. we took like a 2 hour break lah. then desperately tried to recover our hot streak, but all we got was really hot (as in literally, it became really warm). so we moved up to the seminar room, and armed with our mochas, we were ready for round 2 in the aircon room. and then it never happened, just went up there to sleep, barely finished my chem.

so after failing miserably to replicate yesterday's mugging miracle, what better way to make ourselves feel better than to play soccer. i'm still horribly out of shape, and i realised you cant play soccer in running shoes. it just doesnt feel the same. which brings me to this conclusion: i want a new pair of soccer shoes. there's really nothing wrong with my current pair, but i just have the urge to get a new one, without the turf studs. so another day ends. damn this. not good, i cannot give in to temptations, such as soccer. and i cannot have anymore unproductive days like this, otherwise it'd be as good as not mugging for cts at all. and every part of me is telling myself that its really a little too late to even wish for a miracle, but i just can't not try.

speaking of temptations, i'm such a sucker for them. i just cant help but let my mind wander off sometimes (ok maybe more than just SOMEtimes). but i really have to stop myself, i cant let these fantasies in my head control the rest of my functioning emotions. and sometimes i just really wish i could just find the balls to just approach certain people. maybe just eye contact or a smile. ah, but all of these are just fleeting fantasies. look at what happened the last time i tried something like this. i guess things are just better to be left this way. if it happens, then good. if not, then it'll just be another item under the "never-meant-to-be" list. at this point, i must say one thing: fate screws with you. how many times in the space of a day/week do you have to see a person before you can safely say that you're both fated? and the weird feeling about that is, you both know that each other exists, and you kinda know the other person knows too. but you just never utter a word or make eye contact. hai, i'm just running circles in my head again. someone please stop me. tell me is just going to be another mistake, another heartbreak. i need to de-fog my intuition glasses immediately. so much for "not going to try anymore of this kind of stunt and focus on studies". first part, fail. second part, definitely fail.

today was NOT a good day, relatively. but thankfully there's always tomorrow (which are numbered). always a tomorrow to screw up, to make mistakes and to make up for the mistakes of today. til tomorrow, peace.

something she's keeping from me,
i'm not dumb, don't give a damn.
three's not a crowd,
i'm a man, i'm a man.