i'm back! i just wanted to have a kick outta saying that. it's been the longest time since i last blogged, guess i just didnt have the motivation to blog. i always end up saying this, and i always end up having to say this more than once, but what the heck i'm going to say this anyway. hopefully, most probably, with any luck, i'll blog more consistently from now. kinda nice to have a place to go to once in awhile.

so anyway, its the hols and blah blah blah. i think the story's been told far too many times so i'll just spare everyone the pain and horror of hearing it again. i'm officially screwed over, in every which way possible. and now, onto the fun stuff, lol. today was soccer! finally got the opportunity to have a game back at the good ol' RI field. although it was kinda bummer when we got chased off the new and improved astro by the J2 dudes, i guess it turned out alright eventually. totally lost touch with soccer, and i'm totally out of shape. i need to start running and getting myself back into shape (which includes gymming and all).

talking about gettin back into shape, i need to get my life back on track. i kinda lost my way and all, had no sense of purpose or direction these past few months. i lost all that drive and passion and dreams that gave meaning to this life, gave me a reason to move forward and not dwell on the past. well, i must say i havent found a reason strong enough for me to challenge mortality, but i guess i could start with the small things and give my existence some justification. i want to be a better person. i want my do something meaningful with my life. and i guess it really doesnt matter what other people think of you. you don't need someone else to tell you that you are a good person. you just have to know that you're doing the right thing.

people can see right through you, and tell that your not being sincere. don't let what's on the surface blind you from what's hidden beneath. i should really give myself a chance to see past all that false pretences and empty shells, because i don't think i have very much more of myself to give if i keep giving myself away, to the people who keep on breaking my heart. i just wish a better part of me could have been better spent on the people who deserve it. i really feel like i have nothing left to give. i just don't want to try and end up failing myself, and the people who actually care. there are just too few who truly have a heart of gold. who have character, personality and a "real-ness" about them. they can see past all that superficiality and materialism. i really want the best for these people, because they deserve someone who loves them, and someone who would give them their all. no one is born perfect, but some are just born lucky. i'm lucky in many ways, just certain people are luckier in much more.

and speaking of luck, it's friday the 13th. so much for good luck. i kinda wish the world would end today, so i don't have to worry about tomorrow. but that would be so unfortunate, wouldn't it? and i think i have nothing better to say. so since i have nothing better to say, i shall say nothing. til the next time my words have meaning again, peace.

you'll always be a part of me,
i'm part of you indefinitely.
girl don't you know you can't escape me,
ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby.

and we'll linger on,
time can't erase a feeling this strong.
no way you're never gonna shake me,
ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby.