wow, this place is dead... well, maybe its not such a bad thing... at least i can still use this place for wat it was created for, right? anyway, JC life has been a blast... these past 2 months just blew by like nothing, and there's just so many things taking up my time, i dunno where it starts and where it ends... i thought i'd keep my objectives for JC simple: study hard, make friends and bball... but as we all know it, life is nvr simple... i always thought nothing was going to spark me, but it appears something has... at first i thought it was just another pretty face, but if it was just another pretty face, then why the feelings now? and its just so difficult, i just dun feel good enuff and i'm way out of my league... why do i always have to fall for the highest ones? why can't i just settle for someone normal, but special all the same? but ever since i've been sparked, i feel alive again... its like i'm slowly regaining my feelings from that numbed state... its like i have a reason to live, something to fight for... it shows, in the way that i'm playing better basketball and the motivation to study harder? and on top of all that, it just somehow gave me my confidence back after that horrific incident... but izznt it so scary to build everything on that one thing, just to have it all taken away again?

i was so unsure of my feelings i thought i was going to let go, but in the end i'd go for it all, cuz you never know which dreams would make you complete... haha, but life always has its way of screwing with you... maybe its all too soon, maybe its just not meant to be... who knows what will happen in the future? all i can do now is wait... everything is just so uncertain, but i guess what they say is true: "If you truly love someone, you would want the best for that person, even if the best isn't you." i'm really not giving up yet, it just hurts really bad... i'll just live in hope cuz i really dun want to face the truth... but when that time comes, and i have nowhere else to run, i'll just have to take pride in the fact that i never gave up, not this time... its just not my turn, not yet...

If there's somebody calling me on, she's the one.