Tuesday, October 30, 2007
2:54 PM
No one wants to be alone;
immaculate and inadequate ;
2:54 PM
No one wants to be alone;no one should have to.
Saturday, October 27, 2007
9:10 AM
9:10 AM
well, this has been another long week... to kick everything off, we got back our results... the long awaited (but not very much anticipated) results... i'm glad to say that i'm more than satisfied with my results and there are so many reasons i can account that for... i think it kinda sums up my final year in RI, there were things that went well, and there were things that didnt go too well... i know i keep telling myself that results dun mean that much because they're just numbers, but this time these numbers give me hope, that i'm not a total failure... it gives me hope that there will be better things to come if i am willing to work 4 it... but of course, these numbers also tell me that i'm gonna have to work alot harder in RJ if i'm ever going to be anything, or anyone... also wanna congratulate everyone who feels as satisfied about ur results as i am, cuz at the end of the day, you are your worst critic... well, we'll just have to see wat the future entails, but until then, its the last week of my secondary school life, and the last of many things...
other than results, we had inter-class soccer this week... well, it always gets emotions stirring and hearts pumping, and this year is no different... sadly for our class though, we didnt last long enuff in the competition to experience the whole heart pumping stuff, but there was definitely alot of emotions stirring... well, i scored an own goal (again) in the last minute of play, and i can safely say i'm cursed in this kinda tournaments, plus i totally lost my head in the last game... i just exploded on the pitch, just blasted out loud... it totally spoilt the mood of the whole game 4 everyone but everything was all bottled up inside, it just came out... that was the first in a very long time, when i really lost my cool... i mean i got all fired up and stuff, but still i shouldnt have reacted the way i did... i think i just got 2 obsessed with winning... i should really let go a little... so much 4 inter-class and so much 4 broken promises... 4J had it rough too, crashing out after being hot favourites (again) this year, but i guess the ball is round, and football is cruel...
in between everything, we still have our chinese O's! damn, i really feel like giving up... these past few days totally didnt have the mood to study at all... i'd go home and sleep, then stone away my evenings... i really dun wanna screw up like i did for my prelims, but i just cant seem to bring myself to study... i just wanna get it outta the way, and its almost as if i'm doing it for the sake of doing it... i'm just so nervous and anxious and a whole lot of other emotions i cant name... i really just feel like giving up, its almost hopeless... i should just do it and not care about wat the results tell me, somehow i've lost my bearings once the EOY results came out... i have 4 days to do something about it and i'm really beginning to doubt how much i'll actually be able to cover... hai, guess the only way to get it done is to force myself to do it... i really have some serious issues... someone tell me it will all be over soon...
and its the last week of skul... its the last weekend we'll ever spend dreading the return to RI... i wish i could begin on every "last" to cross my mind... but really, in a week's time, i'll be out of RI 4ever, another soul to have walked through the gates and gained a whole lot of things that i dun have a whole lot of time for... ok seriously, i really dunno how i'm gonna feel next fri... thats the official grad ceremony... 4 years have gone by just like that... i really want to say i've had more happy memories than sad ones but it really was a good mix of both... every year was a chapter that we slowly turned, wrote and rewritten... amidst everything, i feel numb... as in, i dunno wat to feel, how to feel and if i should feel anything at all... somehow it just seems so much more painless if i dun feel anything at all, but then again, werent we all made to feel? and if i dun make an attempt hold onto these memories then i wont feel as sad or nostalgic, if i just let go... but i want to, i want to remember every detail, every good or bad, happy or sad moment to have influenenced my time here... every moment like a line on my skin to remind me of wat needs to be remembered... i really cant find the time and place to be emotional... or maybe i just need something to click in my head, just one moment... just something significant enuff and i will breakdown... i just need to be unlocked... well, i keep telling myself that i will leave the reminiscing to some other time, but that "some other time" is drawing near... maybe just for that day, i will feel all i need to feel, all i have to feel... and after that, i'll keep it all safely locked inside my head, until those memories are called out again...
anyway, on a much happier note, we're going to sentosa next sat! organised a somewhat class outing to sentosa to play fribee, beach soccer, volleyball and wat not... really cant wait for it, just bubbling in anticipation... really, this outing has been a long time coming, pray hard that it doesnt rain man! after that, we're gonna go grad night shopping (at least some of us)! really hope i can get something new, and of course nice for grad night... havent been out shopping in forever... and of course, grad night itself! damn, its going to be a blast... can imagine it spilling over late into the night... totally not going home man... haha... but before all that can take place, its the last week of skul, with one final exam... everything has flown by in an instant, lets hope this week doesn't disappoint... til next week, when the time to reminisce will have truly come, peace...
When there's no love in town,
this new century keeps bringing you down.
All the places you have been,
trying to find a love supreme.
A Love Supreme.
immaculate and inadequate ; other than results, we had inter-class soccer this week... well, it always gets emotions stirring and hearts pumping, and this year is no different... sadly for our class though, we didnt last long enuff in the competition to experience the whole heart pumping stuff, but there was definitely alot of emotions stirring... well, i scored an own goal (again) in the last minute of play, and i can safely say i'm cursed in this kinda tournaments, plus i totally lost my head in the last game... i just exploded on the pitch, just blasted out loud... it totally spoilt the mood of the whole game 4 everyone but everything was all bottled up inside, it just came out... that was the first in a very long time, when i really lost my cool... i mean i got all fired up and stuff, but still i shouldnt have reacted the way i did... i think i just got 2 obsessed with winning... i should really let go a little... so much 4 inter-class and so much 4 broken promises... 4J had it rough too, crashing out after being hot favourites (again) this year, but i guess the ball is round, and football is cruel...
in between everything, we still have our chinese O's! damn, i really feel like giving up... these past few days totally didnt have the mood to study at all... i'd go home and sleep, then stone away my evenings... i really dun wanna screw up like i did for my prelims, but i just cant seem to bring myself to study... i just wanna get it outta the way, and its almost as if i'm doing it for the sake of doing it... i'm just so nervous and anxious and a whole lot of other emotions i cant name... i really just feel like giving up, its almost hopeless... i should just do it and not care about wat the results tell me, somehow i've lost my bearings once the EOY results came out... i have 4 days to do something about it and i'm really beginning to doubt how much i'll actually be able to cover... hai, guess the only way to get it done is to force myself to do it... i really have some serious issues... someone tell me it will all be over soon...
and its the last week of skul... its the last weekend we'll ever spend dreading the return to RI... i wish i could begin on every "last" to cross my mind... but really, in a week's time, i'll be out of RI 4ever, another soul to have walked through the gates and gained a whole lot of things that i dun have a whole lot of time for... ok seriously, i really dunno how i'm gonna feel next fri... thats the official grad ceremony... 4 years have gone by just like that... i really want to say i've had more happy memories than sad ones but it really was a good mix of both... every year was a chapter that we slowly turned, wrote and rewritten... amidst everything, i feel numb... as in, i dunno wat to feel, how to feel and if i should feel anything at all... somehow it just seems so much more painless if i dun feel anything at all, but then again, werent we all made to feel? and if i dun make an attempt hold onto these memories then i wont feel as sad or nostalgic, if i just let go... but i want to, i want to remember every detail, every good or bad, happy or sad moment to have influenenced my time here... every moment like a line on my skin to remind me of wat needs to be remembered... i really cant find the time and place to be emotional... or maybe i just need something to click in my head, just one moment... just something significant enuff and i will breakdown... i just need to be unlocked... well, i keep telling myself that i will leave the reminiscing to some other time, but that "some other time" is drawing near... maybe just for that day, i will feel all i need to feel, all i have to feel... and after that, i'll keep it all safely locked inside my head, until those memories are called out again...
anyway, on a much happier note, we're going to sentosa next sat! organised a somewhat class outing to sentosa to play fribee, beach soccer, volleyball and wat not... really cant wait for it, just bubbling in anticipation... really, this outing has been a long time coming, pray hard that it doesnt rain man! after that, we're gonna go grad night shopping (at least some of us)! really hope i can get something new, and of course nice for grad night... havent been out shopping in forever... and of course, grad night itself! damn, its going to be a blast... can imagine it spilling over late into the night... totally not going home man... haha... but before all that can take place, its the last week of skul, with one final exam... everything has flown by in an instant, lets hope this week doesn't disappoint... til next week, when the time to reminisce will have truly come, peace...
When there's no love in town,
this new century keeps bringing you down.
All the places you have been,
trying to find a love supreme.
A Love Supreme.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
10:33 PM
10:33 PM
oh man, this song is like the ultimate reminiscing song... its so ironic how this song is titled "Forever Young" but it actually makes you feel damn old (at least thats wat i felt)... but really, this song just makes you think about times gone by and how you wish you could live it all over again... its a tad bit sad actually, but thats the beauty of life izznt it? we only get to be young once... this is going out to all of y'all who want to be Forever Young...
Youth Group
Forever Young
Let's dance in style, let's dance for a while,
Heaven can wait we're only watching the skies,
Hoping for the best but expecting the worst,
Are you gonna drop the bomb or not?
Let us die young, let us live forever,
Don't have the power but we never say never,
Sitting in the sandpit, life is a short trip,
Music's for the sad man.
Can you imagine when this race is run,
Turning up our faces into the sun,
Praising our leaders getting in tune,
Music's played by the mad man.
[Chorus]
Forever young, I want to be forever young,
Do you really want to live forever? Forever, forever.
Forever young,
I want to be forever young,
Do you really want to live forever? Forever, forever.
Some are like water, some are like the heat,
Some are melodies, some are the beat,
Sooner or later they'll all be gone,
Why don't they stay on?
It's hard to get on without a cause,
I don't want to perish like a fading voice,
Youth is like diamonds in the sun,
And diamonds are forever.
So many adventures couldn't happened today,
So many songs that we forgot to play,
So many dreams swimming out in the blue,
Let them come true.
[Chorus x 2]
immaculate and inadequate ; Youth Group
Forever Young
Let's dance in style, let's dance for a while,
Heaven can wait we're only watching the skies,
Hoping for the best but expecting the worst,
Are you gonna drop the bomb or not?
Let us die young, let us live forever,
Don't have the power but we never say never,
Sitting in the sandpit, life is a short trip,
Music's for the sad man.
Can you imagine when this race is run,
Turning up our faces into the sun,
Praising our leaders getting in tune,
Music's played by the mad man.
[Chorus]
Forever young, I want to be forever young,
Do you really want to live forever? Forever, forever.
Forever young,
I want to be forever young,
Do you really want to live forever? Forever, forever.
Some are like water, some are like the heat,
Some are melodies, some are the beat,
Sooner or later they'll all be gone,
Why don't they stay on?
It's hard to get on without a cause,
I don't want to perish like a fading voice,
Youth is like diamonds in the sun,
And diamonds are forever.
So many adventures couldn't happened today,
So many songs that we forgot to play,
So many dreams swimming out in the blue,
Let them come true.
[Chorus x 2]
Thursday, October 11, 2007
8:58 PM
How do you hold onto someone you've never met?
immaculate and inadequate ;
8:58 PM
How do you hold onto someone you've never met?wow... thats all i could say after watching The Lake House... call me old fashioned or wat, but you love some, you hate some... dunno why the show struck me as so amazing... i mean the 1st impression you get is that its some cheesy old stereotypical love story with a much too beautiful fairytale ending... it probably is, if your not a die-hard romantic i guess... well, i totally loved the reunion of sandra bullock and keanu reeves... can still remember them from their Speed days (how many years ago was that?)... and of course the whole element surrounding the story is time travel, how you could somehow communicate with the past, and in more ways than one, change it... i've not been hit so hard by a love movie like this in a very long time... the whole idea was about love transcending time, that love is bigger than the impossible, and somehow i just really enjoyed that... the show had so many hidden meanings throughout, like using the lake house as a sort of symbolism, how you could look out at all the glory surrounding the house, but could nvr really touch it... how as an architect (keanu reeves' character), you had the power and the responsibility to build something that stood the test of time... and how love is just so, powerful... the show just captured me right from start to finish... the only flaw, i thought, was the aspect of time travel... but of course, if it were in anyway even close to logical, we would have been able to do it by now... and since no movie (the closest thing to reality) could accurately portray time travel, i guess this movie was no different (besides, i'm being way too picky on detail, wat we wanna see is a love story)... i need to defend myself by saying that i'm not being nostalgic (to be honest, i'm a little), but it was more of the future, hope... i guess i was so attracted to the movie because i wanted to believe that love was beautiful again (sandra bullock and keanu reeves really made it alot easier)... the idea wasn't exactly fresh, but the experience was... i do no justice to the show just by talking about it, but its definitely one for the skeptical romantics... it might just turn your whole world around...
The Lake House was the 2nd movie i watched 2day... caught an afternoon show with some 4A peps at cine, called Balls Of Fury... its damn funny, if ur into lame humor (which i sadly, am)... it was juz totally random and was made just to make you laugh... b4 that i met up with yande and before that, i ran into darryl who was on the same train as me to orchard... so i met him at the station, and he told me about something... and i just had to think, that singapore is way too small to hold a grudge... cuz really, if you think about it, every few steps or so, you're probably gonna run into someone you know, and if ur lucky (or not) ur probably gonna run into someone you dun wanna see... well, after having lunch i ran into 2 other guys (seperately) from RI that shared the same radio DJ course as me, right after darryl left (who coincidentally took the dj course with me as well)... and right b4 the movie i saw my ex-classmate from pri skul who was with i presume to be his girlfriend (from RGS, saw them after the show again)... wat i'm trying to say is, that singapore is way too small, and coincidences happen only if you make them happen, otherwise they'll juz be incidences...
so anyway, there's was surprisingly alot of people out 2day despite it being a weekday and all... i guess its cuz everyone ended their papers already... and then i think of mine... well, i never really thought i would blog about it but here goes nothing... it sucks... the feeling that you could have done more, but didnt... the feeling that you could have changed something, but couldnt... the feeling that you don't have to feel like this now, but you chose to act (or not to) in a way that resulted in this load of crap... i feel like slapping myself everytime i say i wanna do something, but never got about doing it... i just have not felt good since my papers ended on wed... i just have this confused feeling inside me... i should be partying and part of me wants to; at the same time i feel so damn guilty i could just drop dead, once again part of me wants to... i ask myself how did i get so damn messed up? but the question i should be asking is wat am i going to do about it? lets look at raw reality: eng was ok because i didnt have to prepare 4 it and the results cant judge me, ss was also ok but thats juz subjective... maths was a total disaster, i studied so hard for this maths test and now i'm gonna have to face a failing grade... chem, geog and bio were all shaky, barely studied 4 it and i'm on the line between fail and pass... which is which, i have no clue... then came physics, which was a real slap in the face (and physics really knows how to slap you)... massacre like no other... that basically sums up the past week or so... i know wat i'm feeling right now is regret, but that regret is mixed with indifference... which is why the taste is so bland, yet so bitter... where has the old me gone to? have i no drive and remorse? do i not want to change? i go out and have fun, and for those few brief moments, i feel good... but when i return home, to reality, i get that hungover feeling... i just feel so miserable... there's just someway i have to pay this back, and then i think of all the stuff i want to do... frisbee, soccer, gym, basketball, pool to name a few... its juz all going to be gone... i feel so tangled up inside, even trying to straighten it out now izznt helping... i really dunno how to change anymore... i'm almost on the verge of giving up... giving up trying to change, to be better, to be like how i used to... i'm just so tired of trying to be want i want to be, i just dun want to be who i want to be anymore... the world can kick me and punch me and pull my hair... they can tell me i'm a big fat baby and i should stop whining and be a man... but i'm just so tired... worst of all, its all because of me... the me who wanted to be better but didnt because he was just to damn ill-disciplined to walk the talk... so much 4 being a better man aint it...
hai, i'm really not going to enjoy this... there's still 3 weeks to chinese O's and i feel so much like shit i dun even feel like studying... i wish i could find the give up button in me and give it a big fat push... but the world izznt over, is it? argh, i dunno wat i'm talking about anymore... i'm really not going to enjoy this... the hols are coming soon and its time 4 a break but i'm not going to enjoy it... because i know i cant... i got to do watever it takes to make this shit sink in... b4 i go, can someone please tell me: "What makes a man, a man?"
The Lake House was the 2nd movie i watched 2day... caught an afternoon show with some 4A peps at cine, called Balls Of Fury... its damn funny, if ur into lame humor (which i sadly, am)... it was juz totally random and was made just to make you laugh... b4 that i met up with yande and before that, i ran into darryl who was on the same train as me to orchard... so i met him at the station, and he told me about something... and i just had to think, that singapore is way too small to hold a grudge... cuz really, if you think about it, every few steps or so, you're probably gonna run into someone you know, and if ur lucky (or not) ur probably gonna run into someone you dun wanna see... well, after having lunch i ran into 2 other guys (seperately) from RI that shared the same radio DJ course as me, right after darryl left (who coincidentally took the dj course with me as well)... and right b4 the movie i saw my ex-classmate from pri skul who was with i presume to be his girlfriend (from RGS, saw them after the show again)... wat i'm trying to say is, that singapore is way too small, and coincidences happen only if you make them happen, otherwise they'll juz be incidences...
so anyway, there's was surprisingly alot of people out 2day despite it being a weekday and all... i guess its cuz everyone ended their papers already... and then i think of mine... well, i never really thought i would blog about it but here goes nothing... it sucks... the feeling that you could have done more, but didnt... the feeling that you could have changed something, but couldnt... the feeling that you don't have to feel like this now, but you chose to act (or not to) in a way that resulted in this load of crap... i feel like slapping myself everytime i say i wanna do something, but never got about doing it... i just have not felt good since my papers ended on wed... i just have this confused feeling inside me... i should be partying and part of me wants to; at the same time i feel so damn guilty i could just drop dead, once again part of me wants to... i ask myself how did i get so damn messed up? but the question i should be asking is wat am i going to do about it? lets look at raw reality: eng was ok because i didnt have to prepare 4 it and the results cant judge me, ss was also ok but thats juz subjective... maths was a total disaster, i studied so hard for this maths test and now i'm gonna have to face a failing grade... chem, geog and bio were all shaky, barely studied 4 it and i'm on the line between fail and pass... which is which, i have no clue... then came physics, which was a real slap in the face (and physics really knows how to slap you)... massacre like no other... that basically sums up the past week or so... i know wat i'm feeling right now is regret, but that regret is mixed with indifference... which is why the taste is so bland, yet so bitter... where has the old me gone to? have i no drive and remorse? do i not want to change? i go out and have fun, and for those few brief moments, i feel good... but when i return home, to reality, i get that hungover feeling... i just feel so miserable... there's just someway i have to pay this back, and then i think of all the stuff i want to do... frisbee, soccer, gym, basketball, pool to name a few... its juz all going to be gone... i feel so tangled up inside, even trying to straighten it out now izznt helping... i really dunno how to change anymore... i'm almost on the verge of giving up... giving up trying to change, to be better, to be like how i used to... i'm just so tired of trying to be want i want to be, i just dun want to be who i want to be anymore... the world can kick me and punch me and pull my hair... they can tell me i'm a big fat baby and i should stop whining and be a man... but i'm just so tired... worst of all, its all because of me... the me who wanted to be better but didnt because he was just to damn ill-disciplined to walk the talk... so much 4 being a better man aint it...
hai, i'm really not going to enjoy this... there's still 3 weeks to chinese O's and i feel so much like shit i dun even feel like studying... i wish i could find the give up button in me and give it a big fat push... but the world izznt over, is it? argh, i dunno wat i'm talking about anymore... i'm really not going to enjoy this... the hols are coming soon and its time 4 a break but i'm not going to enjoy it... because i know i cant... i got to do watever it takes to make this shit sink in... b4 i go, can someone please tell me: "What makes a man, a man?"
Monday, October 01, 2007
10:09 PM
The Last Great Romance
immaculate and inadequate ;
10:09 PM
The Last Great RomanceA great title for a book or a song; it just needs to be written.