Saturday, June 30, 2007
10:43 PM
Every moment is another chance
Don’t try to play yourself. Be honest, accept yourself with your imperfections, your failures, your mistakes, but always be yourself.
immaculate and inadequate ;
10:43 PM
Every moment is another chance 
Don’t try to play yourself. Be honest, accept yourself with your imperfections, your failures, your mistakes, but always be yourself.Thursday, June 28, 2007
8:24 PM
immaculate and inadequate ;
8:24 PM
so 2day begins the first of 5 days of "hols" so called... went back 2 skul 2day 4 soccer trials, trying 2 get in2 a team of 23 who will be playing against HCI for the shield... it was quite fun actually, i'm surprised less than 30 people showed up... i thought there was going 2 be more extras around... so anyway, we (or should i say they) had a little circuit session b4 playing a full-pitch game... felt that i had a good run during the game, although it was under the friggin hot sun again... feel it coming back 2 me, and i must say the feelings are damn good... there were a few big guns around and it feels pretty good 2 play against and along side them... well, the selections are outta my hands and i hope they choose the best 23 irregardless, cuz its not about pulling strings, but its about handing out some serious ass-kicking... haha...
so anyway, i'll be pretty occupied the next few days... rushing holiday homework! i cant believe how much i'm regretting right now 4 not having done at least some of the work during the hols so that now i wouldnt be faced with so much crap... i'm practically stuck at home the next few days juz so i can get started on my homework (note: getting started and completing are two VERY different things)... for the first time in a long time there's actually some urgency to get stuff done, but sadly, i'm still drawing blanks... sometimes i really wonder how the hell i can waste so much time away not doing a single thing, and the best part is i dun feel a thing about it... its like i'm losing that will to work hard or even work at all... its almost as if i dun care about wat happens anymore... complacent or juz plain lazy? anyway i know it will feel one helluva good once i get everything done (or close to) so i guess i should juz really get down to doing work no matter how painful it maybe, juz looking 4ward to some relax time after that (but then again, now that skul has started will there ever be time for relaxation?)...
well the first few days of skul have been somewhat darkened by a few shocking events... first of all there's this dude who jumped off the fifth floor of SR block on the FIRST day of skul... on the first friggin day, at like 730 in the morning? its barely been 10 mins into the 2nd semester and already someone jumps, doesnt bode very well does it? but i'm in no position 2 judge, all i can say is may the dude have a speedy recovery, hope he does fine... on other news, there's the RJ dude who passed away after completing a triathlon, a day b4 skul reopened? i dun personally know the guy but its quite sad 2 hear that someone so young from the raffles family died... sometimes i think it could have been anyone of us, but thats juz too negative... its so juz sad to know that he was on his way to the SEA games, but didnt have the chance to... and probably the biggest shocker of all, famous wrestler chris benoit killed his wife and son, then committed suicide... the double murder-suicide is wat they are calling it... it came all too sudden 4 me... i juz couldnt understand how and why a normal guy would wanna kill his family then kill himself... he was one of my favourite wrestlers lah... i'm juz waiting 4 the details of the case cuz i really cant wrap my brain around this one...
talking about dark times, i must say that i've become a very cynical person... this has so gone far beyond pessimistic, its almost as if i hate life... i mean i realised this when i was talking 2 someone i've not talked 2 for a very long time... i can remember the last time we had a nice long talk and we juz talked about stuff, anything... and it was so much more innocent and carefree... but now i can feel that i'm almost killing myself with the words i'm saying... i juz cant seem to move away from how painfully sucky life is (as true as it is)... jaded is right... its like i've been 2 the dark side and back, been through darker times... sometimes i feel so empty inside and i cant remember the last time i've truly been happy... and somehow everything else is going down with me, like my work, discipline etc. i feel like i'm dissing the world with every thought and i feel so emotionless, or maybe i juz cant word it... i'm juz so tired of living in this cold world... i take a gun to someone's head, and aim for my brain... i think i've juz become so tired of living this life, i dunno wat to do anymore... i juz dunno wat i'm doing...
on a side note, i juz hate people who like to fucking screw other people over... thanks alot, cuz without you people, we might juz have world peace... so keeping on doing watcha doing cuz everyone in the world really appreciates you stuck up pieces of shit... really, thanks...
Waiting for that one defining moment, to change everything...
Thursday, June 21, 2007
6:37 PM
As I watch the setting sun, I wonder if I'm the only one...
immaculate and inadequate ;
6:37 PM
As I watch the setting sun, I wonder if I'm the only one...Monday, June 18, 2007
11:04 PM
11:04 PM
You
by Jonathan Lim
Did it all slip through my fingers some time ago,
when I wanted to put everything on hold?
It could have been simply nothing at all,
but I’ll never know what’s behind this wall.
I guess I’m just going outside my head,
pretending not, what I am instead.
Here I am, not knowing what to do,
would you know the one I’m thinking of is you?
Sometimes we rush into emotions too fast,
but there’s one question I just can’t get past.
Is love just another meaningless game?
Of broken pieces, of broken hearts of the same.
I’m too afraid to ask for a second chance,
too afraid to find out what your heart really wants.
Maybe I’ve just been too afraid all this while,
to see you looking back at me with your smile.
Would you know this poem was written for you?
Would you even know what I’m going through?
Would you know I’m waiting on a line?
Waiting for you, just a moment in time.
immaculate and inadequate ; by Jonathan Lim
Did it all slip through my fingers some time ago,
when I wanted to put everything on hold?
It could have been simply nothing at all,
but I’ll never know what’s behind this wall.
I guess I’m just going outside my head,
pretending not, what I am instead.
Here I am, not knowing what to do,
would you know the one I’m thinking of is you?
Sometimes we rush into emotions too fast,
but there’s one question I just can’t get past.
Is love just another meaningless game?
Of broken pieces, of broken hearts of the same.
I’m too afraid to ask for a second chance,
too afraid to find out what your heart really wants.
Maybe I’ve just been too afraid all this while,
to see you looking back at me with your smile.
Would you know this poem was written for you?
Would you even know what I’m going through?
Would you know I’m waiting on a line?
Waiting for you, just a moment in time.
Sunday, June 17, 2007
8:06 PM
8:06 PM
first of all, HAPPY FATHERS' DAY! haha... hope all y'all fathers had a good one 2day, with love... somehow i should be celebrating 2day too, somehow... anyway, kinda did quite abit of going out these couple of days... so darryl and i went 2 play pool at sommerset on fri b4 going down 2 clarke quay 4 our supposed geog "project"... went there, walked around the place, took a few pictures and thats about it... don't think either of us really wanted 2 do anything related 2 work, even if it meant hanging out... i realised everything seems alot more relaxed during the hols (quite duh right?), but i mean it shows... its different when we hang out during hols and during skul term, there's less bagging us down and everything seems happier, even the jokes are funnier...
i've given up waiting 4 darryl 2 send me the pics so there'll be a pic bonanza (including those from the party) some other time... so since we're on the topic of pics, i'd like 2 give proper credit 2 eugene for helping me do the heroes thingy 4 me... yes, "haha", the heroes thingy... looking back, now i think its kinda dumb, but its all out of good fun, and thanks once again eugene, 4 taking the time 2 help me with that nonsense... haha... so anyway, other than that interesting occurrance yesterday, pretty much wasted the day away... it was also the first time i spent so much effort trying 2 get a nice gift 4 my dad 2day... yeah it sounds a little sad, but it was the first time i was trying 2 get a proper gift 4 my dad on fathers' day... in the end all i managed 2 get was a card, but at least my sister and i decorated it... well, i think my dad deserves so much more credit than he is given, and i think so do alot of dads out there... so i guess i'm trying 2 make it up somehow... still my dad gets far 2 much credit 4 giving me far 2 much shit as well... haha...
2day is fathers' day! (did i mention it?) and we had the luxury of getting up later than usual on a sunday morning... then after that we went down 2 vivocity for brunch-cum-movie... its the first time i've been down 2 vivocity and it was kinda cool... there were like hell lot of shops selling hell lots of stuff... haha... seriously shoppers' paradise... quite alot of rather high end stuff there... really must bring some cash and do some serious shopping there sometime... so we were walking around the place b4 the movie, and got really tired from walking, i mean i dun usually get this tired from walking while shopping and i didnt feel we'd walked alot or very far... maybe i'm juz gettin old, or i need 2 start hittin the gym more often... vivocity didnt seem very big from the inside, maybe we didnt cover the whole place, or maybe its juz me... so we went 2 watch fantastic four: rise of the silver surfer, and i must say it is quite a let down... the movie didnt have a good plot or any real action and it juz didnt bring anything new... and it probably didnt choose the right time 2 screen too, following spidey 3... it was so bad it almost sucked... i'm being quite mean but who cares... juz hope transformers doesnt fall short of all the movie ads screening time...
one thing i realised about clarke quay and vivocity, and basically singapore in general: there are alot of average looking people with good dress sense... ok maybe i wont go so far as 2 say good dress sense, but maybe good clothes... i mean i realised that there arent any real good looking people (both guys and girls) in singapore that really strikes you, but there are alot of people that look good cuz of their clothes... not saying that singapore is hopeless but those that are good looking are few and far between... i mean i havent really come across someone thats "wow wow", nothing thats makes a lasting impression... maybe singapore juz izznt a "beautiful" country... and i think singapore guys aren't any better looking (including myself)... there's no real judgement of beauty (as the saying goes blah blah blah), or call me shallow and who am i judge, but all i'm saying is that i've yet 2 see perfection...
then there are some, who are as good as it gets... i think there are some who really look good (or look really good), but i'm not going 2 mention any names... haha, not here at least, but i think she's good enuff 2 be called good looking (for want of a broader term 2 praise good looks)... so anyway, something interesting and random... 2day after the movie, went back 2 cp 4 jap dinner, and i saw this girl whom i thought looked pretty cute... and then my sis comes along and tells me that the same girl is a relief teacher at her school... i was totally thrown off cuz she was wearing braces and she looked really young... wth, how small can singapore be lah... she's probably waiting 2 go uni or something... damn...
ok, now time for something totally random... i've been thinking and i thought of wat my (next) first date would be like... i cant exactly remember what my last first date is like (i can remember the first day, but not the first date), or if it could even be called a date? anyway, i thought dinner and a movie would be nice (if in the near future), any takers? haha... but if i had a bigger wallet, definitely a nice dinner at a nice restaurant... Love is friendship on fire... got that off a movie (The Perfect Man), but i believe its true... guess i dun believe in love at first sight anymore, its juz so naive to actually believe a relationship can be built around the first time you lay ur eyes on something... lust is closer... but i think love has 2 be worked on, and it all starts with friendship... i mean you gotta get 2 know the person first b4 you can throw any claims of sharing a relationship much less saying you love the person... and of course, at the end of the day, if nothing works out, there's still a friendship 2 fall back on... dun wanna regret like now, where a friendship could barely stand on its own... and i guess thats juz the way 2 go about it, be friends, get 2 know the other person (let the other know you), and hopefully let whatever you have between you take over... i'm still finding my steps, but at the same time i'm still fighting for the day that someone comes along... or maybe she's already here, i juz don't know it yet...
I wanna know, have you ever seen the rain, coming down on a sunny day?
immaculate and inadequate ; i've given up waiting 4 darryl 2 send me the pics so there'll be a pic bonanza (including those from the party) some other time... so since we're on the topic of pics, i'd like 2 give proper credit 2 eugene for helping me do the heroes thingy 4 me... yes, "haha", the heroes thingy... looking back, now i think its kinda dumb, but its all out of good fun, and thanks once again eugene, 4 taking the time 2 help me with that nonsense... haha... so anyway, other than that interesting occurrance yesterday, pretty much wasted the day away... it was also the first time i spent so much effort trying 2 get a nice gift 4 my dad 2day... yeah it sounds a little sad, but it was the first time i was trying 2 get a proper gift 4 my dad on fathers' day... in the end all i managed 2 get was a card, but at least my sister and i decorated it... well, i think my dad deserves so much more credit than he is given, and i think so do alot of dads out there... so i guess i'm trying 2 make it up somehow... still my dad gets far 2 much credit 4 giving me far 2 much shit as well... haha...
2day is fathers' day! (did i mention it?) and we had the luxury of getting up later than usual on a sunday morning... then after that we went down 2 vivocity for brunch-cum-movie... its the first time i've been down 2 vivocity and it was kinda cool... there were like hell lot of shops selling hell lots of stuff... haha... seriously shoppers' paradise... quite alot of rather high end stuff there... really must bring some cash and do some serious shopping there sometime... so we were walking around the place b4 the movie, and got really tired from walking, i mean i dun usually get this tired from walking while shopping and i didnt feel we'd walked alot or very far... maybe i'm juz gettin old, or i need 2 start hittin the gym more often... vivocity didnt seem very big from the inside, maybe we didnt cover the whole place, or maybe its juz me... so we went 2 watch fantastic four: rise of the silver surfer, and i must say it is quite a let down... the movie didnt have a good plot or any real action and it juz didnt bring anything new... and it probably didnt choose the right time 2 screen too, following spidey 3... it was so bad it almost sucked... i'm being quite mean but who cares... juz hope transformers doesnt fall short of all the movie ads screening time...
one thing i realised about clarke quay and vivocity, and basically singapore in general: there are alot of average looking people with good dress sense... ok maybe i wont go so far as 2 say good dress sense, but maybe good clothes... i mean i realised that there arent any real good looking people (both guys and girls) in singapore that really strikes you, but there are alot of people that look good cuz of their clothes... not saying that singapore is hopeless but those that are good looking are few and far between... i mean i havent really come across someone thats "wow wow", nothing thats makes a lasting impression... maybe singapore juz izznt a "beautiful" country... and i think singapore guys aren't any better looking (including myself)... there's no real judgement of beauty (as the saying goes blah blah blah), or call me shallow and who am i judge, but all i'm saying is that i've yet 2 see perfection...
then there are some, who are as good as it gets... i think there are some who really look good (or look really good), but i'm not going 2 mention any names... haha, not here at least, but i think she's good enuff 2 be called good looking (for want of a broader term 2 praise good looks)... so anyway, something interesting and random... 2day after the movie, went back 2 cp 4 jap dinner, and i saw this girl whom i thought looked pretty cute... and then my sis comes along and tells me that the same girl is a relief teacher at her school... i was totally thrown off cuz she was wearing braces and she looked really young... wth, how small can singapore be lah... she's probably waiting 2 go uni or something... damn...
ok, now time for something totally random... i've been thinking and i thought of wat my (next) first date would be like... i cant exactly remember what my last first date is like (i can remember the first day, but not the first date), or if it could even be called a date? anyway, i thought dinner and a movie would be nice (if in the near future), any takers? haha... but if i had a bigger wallet, definitely a nice dinner at a nice restaurant... Love is friendship on fire... got that off a movie (The Perfect Man), but i believe its true... guess i dun believe in love at first sight anymore, its juz so naive to actually believe a relationship can be built around the first time you lay ur eyes on something... lust is closer... but i think love has 2 be worked on, and it all starts with friendship... i mean you gotta get 2 know the person first b4 you can throw any claims of sharing a relationship much less saying you love the person... and of course, at the end of the day, if nothing works out, there's still a friendship 2 fall back on... dun wanna regret like now, where a friendship could barely stand on its own... and i guess thats juz the way 2 go about it, be friends, get 2 know the other person (let the other know you), and hopefully let whatever you have between you take over... i'm still finding my steps, but at the same time i'm still fighting for the day that someone comes along... or maybe she's already here, i juz don't know it yet...
I wanna know, have you ever seen the rain, coming down on a sunny day?
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
10:48 AM
10:48 AM
One year ago today, I cried; no more.
It was meant for bigger things. Many people got me here, and many more to where I'm going.
I'm not good enough to appreciate what they have given me, but the best I could do is to make good what I'm given, and to make them proud.
immaculate and inadequate ; It was meant for bigger things. Many people got me here, and many more to where I'm going.
I'm not good enough to appreciate what they have given me, but the best I could do is to make good what I'm given, and to make them proud.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
10:09 PM
10:09 PM
i'm back... i hate 2 admit it, but i'm back... still so much in denial that i'm actually back in singapore and back 2 facing reality... 2 weeks down, 2 more to go... really wish i had no sense of time at all, then i'd have so much less 2 worry about, less 2 think about... so anyway, these 2 weeks have been as unproductive as usual... really, i'm hopeless at ever accomplishing anything i set out 2 do during the hols, ever since the exsistence of hols 2 me... there really has been much going on cept 4 the trip up 2 KL after the party... fell sick the next morning and spent 4 days in KL sleeping and trying 2 fight the friggin sore throats and wat have you... think it was a bit of a bummer when i was sick there, couldnt enjoy the good food, good times and esp the good company... its been raining quite punctually every afternoon that i was there, so i'm quite thankful i managed 2 play some much awaited bball on the last day... looking back on the trip, guess i kinda miss it even though it wasnt the best cuz of my illness, but i wat i really miss the most is the company... really, i think i was being abit of a spoilt sport during my time there (you cant exactly blame me, i'm sick) but they were really nice... there's really nothing like family, and esp ken, lucas, nick and mel, really feels good 2 be at home... its juz different, when you know they'll always be there 4 you man... you know someone out there still has your back... but well now that i'm back in this shithole, guess its back 2 reality...
so i still have so much work left 2 do i dun even feel like describing it... somehow holiday homework seems predestined to be left til the last weekend... anyway, after returning from malaysia, still trying 2 fight the flu, but juz didnt feel like doing anything concrete... between wed and now, i wasted a day, went gymming, watched Pirates Of The Carribean: At World's End, played PS2, tennis and went swimming... all of which had nothing 2 do with work watsoever... sometimes i ask myself, if i really dun bother about work at all, then why do i keep mentioning the amount of work i have left undone (and there i go again)? well, i'm juz happy i started gymming again, only 2 realise how weak i've become... feels so pathetic, wonder if i can get back 2 how i used 2 be or more, hope i can continue consistently... ok, time 2 be a little random, i juz realised that the star from Heroes, Milo Ventimiglia, actually acted in Fergie's new video Big Girls Don't Cry (awesome song btw)... man, do tv stars have a tendency to act in music video or wat, like the Prison Break dude (from mariah carey's video It's Like That and We Belong Together)... anyway, Heroes has juz started 2 become really juicy and i'm so gonna get the DVD set when it comes out or something, and i totally cant wait 2 watch the 2nd season...
moving on, recently (actually it was juz yesterday) i've been listening 2 Bowling For Soup and i realised that they are a damn nice band... its like Fun Rock or something like that, not exactly Punk Rock (you get the picture)... but they're a really good band i think and their songs are not bad oso... i like the way they have so many references to pop culture in their songs, but the sad thing is that they seriously dun get enuff airtime... i like their fat guitarist too... haha... anyway, they have damn nice songs like Girl All The Bad Guys Want, When We Die, High School Never Ends, Almost and 1985... the only sad thing is i dun have all of them... hope someone kind will send me the songs... the songs juz erases all the sad stuff i've been listening to and juz makes you wanna laugh at all the nonsense they're singing about... its good stuff 4 a mundane afternoon and a good i-hate-the-world cure... lol...
well, i've been absolutely quite random up til now... but here comes the boring part... i think i should give love another chance... i've been waiting 4 this long and i really dunno wat i'm waiting 4 anymore... lets not start talking about the past again and how everything should, could and would have been, and definitely not how stupid everything is... but i'm thinking of the future... i mean yeah, i've been doing wat my heart's been wanting to and well i dun exactly have much regrets... but its coming 2 a year now, and thats long enuff... i really should go out there and fall in love again (and i'm not juz saying this for the sake of saying it)... not for you so much as it is for me, but i think everyone deserves a second chance, and all this time i'm juz denying myself that chance... i'm really beginning 2 lose the plot... i'm starting 2 realise not everything is a fairytale, and this is the cold hard real world... if i'm gonna be stuck thinking that something's gonna happen like the last time, then i deserve to be miserable... enough said, dun think i have anything 2 prove to anyone... juz think that both love and i deserve a chance... time to fall in love again? it's reality, i'm back...
immaculate and inadequate ; so i still have so much work left 2 do i dun even feel like describing it... somehow holiday homework seems predestined to be left til the last weekend... anyway, after returning from malaysia, still trying 2 fight the flu, but juz didnt feel like doing anything concrete... between wed and now, i wasted a day, went gymming, watched Pirates Of The Carribean: At World's End, played PS2, tennis and went swimming... all of which had nothing 2 do with work watsoever... sometimes i ask myself, if i really dun bother about work at all, then why do i keep mentioning the amount of work i have left undone (and there i go again)? well, i'm juz happy i started gymming again, only 2 realise how weak i've become... feels so pathetic, wonder if i can get back 2 how i used 2 be or more, hope i can continue consistently... ok, time 2 be a little random, i juz realised that the star from Heroes, Milo Ventimiglia, actually acted in Fergie's new video Big Girls Don't Cry (awesome song btw)... man, do tv stars have a tendency to act in music video or wat, like the Prison Break dude (from mariah carey's video It's Like That and We Belong Together)... anyway, Heroes has juz started 2 become really juicy and i'm so gonna get the DVD set when it comes out or something, and i totally cant wait 2 watch the 2nd season...
moving on, recently (actually it was juz yesterday) i've been listening 2 Bowling For Soup and i realised that they are a damn nice band... its like Fun Rock or something like that, not exactly Punk Rock (you get the picture)... but they're a really good band i think and their songs are not bad oso... i like the way they have so many references to pop culture in their songs, but the sad thing is that they seriously dun get enuff airtime... i like their fat guitarist too... haha... anyway, they have damn nice songs like Girl All The Bad Guys Want, When We Die, High School Never Ends, Almost and 1985... the only sad thing is i dun have all of them... hope someone kind will send me the songs... the songs juz erases all the sad stuff i've been listening to and juz makes you wanna laugh at all the nonsense they're singing about... its good stuff 4 a mundane afternoon and a good i-hate-the-world cure... lol...
well, i've been absolutely quite random up til now... but here comes the boring part... i think i should give love another chance... i've been waiting 4 this long and i really dunno wat i'm waiting 4 anymore... lets not start talking about the past again and how everything should, could and would have been, and definitely not how stupid everything is... but i'm thinking of the future... i mean yeah, i've been doing wat my heart's been wanting to and well i dun exactly have much regrets... but its coming 2 a year now, and thats long enuff... i really should go out there and fall in love again (and i'm not juz saying this for the sake of saying it)... not for you so much as it is for me, but i think everyone deserves a second chance, and all this time i'm juz denying myself that chance... i'm really beginning 2 lose the plot... i'm starting 2 realise not everything is a fairytale, and this is the cold hard real world... if i'm gonna be stuck thinking that something's gonna happen like the last time, then i deserve to be miserable... enough said, dun think i have anything 2 prove to anyone... juz think that both love and i deserve a chance... time to fall in love again? it's reality, i'm back...
Thursday, June 07, 2007
11:55 AM
After all the lies that I made you believe
Guilt kicks in and I start to see
The edge of the bed
Where your nightgown used to be
Or nothing at all
There's nowhere left to fall
When you reach the bottom it's now or never
Is it all
Or are we just friends
Is this how it ends
With a simple telephone call
You leave me here with nothing at all
But I believe for you and me
The sun will shine one day
So I'll just play my part
And pray you'll have a change of heart
But I can't make you see it through
That's something only love can do
immaculate and inadequate ;
11:55 AM
Do You Know
Do you know what it feels like
loving someone that's in a rush to throw you away
Do you know what it feels like
to be the last one to know the lock on the door has changed
Better Than Me
After all the lies that I made you believe
Guilt kicks in and I start to see
The edge of the bed
Where your nightgown used to be
I told myself I won't miss you
But I remember
What it feels like beside you
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me
All Or Nothing
Or nothing at all
There's nowhere left to fall
When you reach the bottom it's now or never
Is it all
Or are we just friends
Is this how it ends
With a simple telephone call
You leave me here with nothing at all
Only Love
But I believe for you and me
The sun will shine one day
So I'll just play my part
And pray you'll have a change of heart
But I can't make you see it through
That's something only love can do