sometimes we need to be humbled... well theres the chinese test 2day... i think i really screwed it up, not feeling confident at all after everyone coming out of it unscathed, with far too much room to breathe... really didnt feel good about the paper, maybe it was the lack of preparation that led to my insecurity (but frankly wat is there to prepare?)... its not a good feeling at all, but i'm juz happy its over... maybe it'll be a good lesson to learn b4 the real thing, when there's no way back... then came the real crasher, right smack down to earth... chem test was nothing much 2 hope 4 but sometimes passing badly is much harder to take than a flat out flunked paper... well, my sky high 90% has met a 60% so that pretty much means i'm trying 2 get the dirt outta my mouth... so much for "i could piss on the sky cuz i'm that high"... really, this is one bombshell i deserve to take fully, i'm juz waiting for it 2 sink in... it juz caught me blindsided, nvr thought i could let chem get to me this way... nvr again...

well being humbled by papers is one thing, to be humbled in sports is a completely different story... on wed, went for my 1st high jump training... didnt turn out well, at all... so we started off as rookies, all of us (jerome, simon, stanley and myself), but by the end of the day they were amateur pros while i was the amateur amateur... if i had an excuse i would say that long jumps and triple jumps were juz not my thing, but my only excuse is that i'm juz not cut out for it... and it doesnt make things easier when you have this super hot leggy chick jumping along side you... wasnt so much as a distraction but more like a try-not-to-screw-up-and-look-stupid sign... i guess we all have 2 start somewhere but its a long way to the top... maybe its the ego, or the sucking really bad at jumping or maybe its juz not wanting to be last, but watever it is that's probably gonna be the last of it, 4 now... this, is exactly why i say i'm not cut out for it... not because i dun have the capacity to, its juz that i dun have the want to... somehow i juz dun have that self-discipline, that inner fight to push me through, to excel... i get my fight from the people around me, team... maybe this is an opportunity to build my "fight", but i'm juz finding all the reason not to... there are juz so many things i can think of right now, but only one really matters... i'm quitting, i'm giving up and that's it... it really sucks but i dunno how else 2 put it... humbled, in every sense of the word...

well, if being humbled was supposed to last very long, it didnt... cuz i played in one helluva game 2day... after chinese CT and the chem "shock", i thought i was juz going 2 go home and rot but i stuck around and played some soccer... 1st game sucked really bad cuz i barely played 4 half an hour b4 hockey had training... then was desperate 4 soccer so kicked around 4 abit... went 2 the pool 2 watch the last swim heats, and when soccer disappeared i juz stayed by the pool til close to 6... then the real action came... hock-ers ended their training and the game was on... 2nd game of the day was kinda owning but the 3rd game was the sucker punch... played along side the hock-ers and everyone played really well, even darryl... game was outstanding on both sides, but of course it wouldnt be complete if i didnt score one of my best goals... one game to remember, seriously kick ass... so much 4 that, and wasting people's time... on a completely random note, i think mrs d'cruz is one kind of cool... i mean she can tell awesome stories (albeit at the most random times), and i think she can read people really well... somehow she can tell wat kinda person you are juz by looking at you, and more often than not she's spot on... she's not so bad an english teacher at all, and maybe its juz the right change...

sometimes we need to be humbled... and this is, one of those times...