i am absolutely dead... drained and sore all over the place... so the first 2 days of official hols have been as uneventful as ever til 2day, and it looks like its going to be like any other hols, simply wasted... so 2day woke up at like 6 without breakfast and chionged down 2 city hall 2 meet zheng xuan they all to go play soccer at the cage (kallang)... really didnt know wat to expect cept that we were playing soccer... quite a few people went, like daryl teo, chris fang, paul sim, benji, ned and a few other guys... we took an early morning tour of the junction outside raffles city (no thanks 2 teo) and finally hopped onto a bus to the place... when we got there it was still damn early lah, but still jumped into the game straight away... at first it was like shit lah... should have known nothing in this world comes 4 free (or without conditions), was thinking why so good invite me go play soccer at a street soccer turf, so that we can go there and feed them... i was actually quite pissed off cuz they were puttin their "team" 2gether and juz destorying the rest of us... but after abit things got better, and i started playing better too... played for 4 hours and by the end of it i could barely move, not 2 mention my groin which totally hurts right now...

i must say that it was quite fun overall, nice pitch and all... another cool part was the music, really felt it adds a little extra 2 the game... nice up-tempo hip-hop beats, which actually makes you wanna run faster and do all the funny stuff, which in turn makes us tired faster and eventually the people at the cage earn (if you get my drift)... so anyway, after that we dragged ourselves 2 a kfc nearby (which was opposite a macs, feels so traitor, lol) and ate... firstly, the food sucks (seriously) and 2ndly guys gotta start treating girls with a little more respect, including me... i mean there's a point when the jokes arent funny any more and it becomes downright rude... guys really gotta learn how 2 treat a girl right, no knock on their character but they juz gotta change man... talk about being hypocritical... so after that as we were walking back 2 the bus stop, started talking 2 daryl teo about some stuff... and i really dunno how much i should or shouldnt have confided in him but it made me realised something... its almost been a year, and i'm still trying to hold on... izznt it juz pathetic? i mean i'm giving her control over me that she doesnt deserve... the way he (daryl) puts it juz made me sound so stupid... i couldnt even believe the words i'm saying... maybe i should juz go out there and fall in love again, have that sweet floating feeling again, then have my heart broken and feel miserable again, cuz wat i'm feeling now is way past that stage, so beyond its juz plain stupid...

anyway i feel kinda stupid telling daryl teo all that, dunno how well he can keep a secret... we'll juz have 2 see... moving on, so there was the miss universe on tv yesterday and i must admit it was my first time really catching it... never thought much about it in the past, but now things have changed... firstly, they got the selection all wrong... there is really no way an asian can look better than a eurasian, simply because of the features... unless they send in really ugly looking women, or they juz want the cute asian looking women, then neither korea nor japan should be in the top 5, much less the top 15... 2ndly, how did japan win miss universe! damn, that would remain a mystery 50 years from now man... but frankly, the more i look at her, the more chio i think she is... and korea looks really good 2, cept everyone is saying she's plastic... having said all that, ignore the first point (about the selection)... i really think japan looks damn good lah, somehow juz cant get her off my mind, but i bet it will blow over soon enuff... i have so much respect 4 the contestants, its the way they carry themselves, with poise and confidence, its hard 2 imagine that they are only 18 or 19? now that's truly class, sexy and sophisticated to the max... well, maybe i'm asking 4 alot but someone who can carry herself as well as the contestants do is someone worth holding on to...

this hols feels like another hols, yet unlike any other... maybe its juz wat i make of it... but the way its swinging now i can juz see it slip right through my fingers... 4 weeks juz izznt enuff man... guess i'll stop whinning now, 2 more days... peace...

The Little Lost Boy
by Jonathan Lim

There was this little lost boy walking down the street,
kicking stones and staring at his feet.
There was this little lost boy who didn't care about the world,
not until he found this little lost girl.

He was happy that he found her and then,
he asked her if she wanted to be his friend.
She said "Yes" and at that moment he knew,
this friendship was only made for a few.

He really loved being her friend,
he loved the way she smiled, end to end.
But the road ahead was getting tough,
it seems like this friendship just isn't enough.

He asked her if she was still his friend,
she said "No" and he just wanted to pretend.
Pretend that everything was going to be OK,
he told himself that they were going to be friends again some day.

That day never came and this boy realized,
he'd never cry but there were tears in his eyes.
This little lost boy was cold to the bone,
and once again, this little lost boy was, alone.

now thats what i call eating... mine is on the right, tallest one is darryl and the one with the bowl is ivan... haha!

another week of hell juz ended, i'm juz thankful it ended alot better than it started... was feeling pretty crappy the whole week, guess it was the work and the stress and all... didnt feel too good about the maths and the bio CCTs that we had this week... on top of that there was of course the pressure from moor side cuz the house carn, juz didnt help the situation at all... had no mood 2 do anything during the course of the week, and everything juz felt like shit all the way up til fri... so we had the house carn on fri, and i must say i've nvr been as involved in any particular house carn as this one... once the day ended, i went down 2 the table tennis area 2 settle the admin stuff, but in the end yande was the one helping me do everything... felt quite bad leaving him there like that, gotta make it up 2 him somehow... so anyway, after settling the table tennis side, went down 2 the bball courts 2 watch a few games... realized i'm so outta touch with bball, and somehow i juz felt more at home on the courts, doing wat i do best... once the house carn got underway i juz started roaming all over the place, checking out the different sports... even had time 2 drop by the swimming pool, where i ran into some i did NOT wanna see, but wat i was surprised to see was that "target 2" was the announcer or something while "target 2.5" was the award stewardess (target 2.5 not accepted by everyone so i juz had 2 give her a 0.5 rather than a full 3, lol)... ya so i was juz wondering around the whole afternoon and somehow i got dragged to ref the last game of the day (bball), was quite a blast really... ended the day with some bball (in a long time) and dinner with the guys...

well yesterday was actually much better than fri... i made up my mind to pon ORA, and i did... dun really care wat the consequences are... so i sent my mum off 2 the airport yesterday morning and had breakfast there... came home and chilled awhile til afternoon when my sis and i went 2 my grandparents place 2 play some PS2... havent touched a controller in the longest time man, lol... so played til evening b4 rushing off 2 meet ivan, darryl and christian at orchard... supposed 2 have more people but they didnt show at darryl's place, anyway i'd much rather have it that way... so we went 2 cuppage (of all places) 2 eat some ramen... 1stly, ivan the joker made us walk from orchard 2 sommerset when he knew full well that cuppage was in sommerset, and 2ndly, of all the times i've been 2 cuppage 2 play pool, i've NEVER seen that stall b4... anyway it was a good meal, even though we had 2 wait 4 like 30 mins juz 2 get seated... so after a full dinner, took a train down 2 city hall where we were supposed 2 go bowling at marina square, but as my dad predicted, it was bloody packed... in the end we walked down 2 esplanade and then to clarke quay... it was a really pleasant and some wat relaxing experience (wat's better than seeing one lambhogini? 2! one outside the oriental and one outside the fullerton), had i not been restricted 4 time... walked along the river and it was actually quite cool, got 2 see alot of stuff i'd probably nvr get 2 see... ivan was like our tour guide lah, dunno where he gets all these kinda stuff... so walked all the way down 2 the "big alien tent thingy" with coffee bean along the way and finally rocked myself home on the packed train with christian... if time had only ticked a little faster...

during house carn and the walk last night i was thinking alot... at the house carn, i was thinking about the foolish dream i was chasing right now... somehow it juz occurred 2 me how stupid and childish all this stuff is, cuz its something i'm pretending 2 want, but something i'll nvr have... i dunno, maybe i'm juz not the right person, in all senses of the word... i juz felt like i was the wrong person, for all the wrong things and this is all juz fools play... cuz all this would be a distant memory we all would laugh about... its nvr nice 2 be rejected, but i guess its alright 2 have some sense knocked into you... maybe its ok 2 admire from afar, but i think its time 2 give up chasing dream so believable, yet so unattainable... then there was the river, had so much 2 think about, and walking past the fullerton gave me memories i nvr had... but somehow all the feelings inside were blocked out, cuz i juz couldnt feel it... the whole place was packed with people, i wont say wat type of people but there was juz alot of people... i thought the place was supposed 2 be a quite and nice place 2 sit down and have a meaningful conversation, with the lights and good food all around... and maybe i thought wrong... it juz wasnt the place 2 enjoy a nice memory or two, i should've known that... the river bay was littered with couples and sorts... maybe there's some other place for quiet memories and reminiscing... but nonetheless the whole experience was refreshing and really quite relaxing...

and so another week ends... i'm juz so into the holiday mood right now and i'm kinda looking 4ward to my birthday! haha... juz another couple weeks 2 survive and maybe... juz maybe, i could have a little time away... peace...

sometimes we need to be humbled... well theres the chinese test 2day... i think i really screwed it up, not feeling confident at all after everyone coming out of it unscathed, with far too much room to breathe... really didnt feel good about the paper, maybe it was the lack of preparation that led to my insecurity (but frankly wat is there to prepare?)... its not a good feeling at all, but i'm juz happy its over... maybe it'll be a good lesson to learn b4 the real thing, when there's no way back... then came the real crasher, right smack down to earth... chem test was nothing much 2 hope 4 but sometimes passing badly is much harder to take than a flat out flunked paper... well, my sky high 90% has met a 60% so that pretty much means i'm trying 2 get the dirt outta my mouth... so much for "i could piss on the sky cuz i'm that high"... really, this is one bombshell i deserve to take fully, i'm juz waiting for it 2 sink in... it juz caught me blindsided, nvr thought i could let chem get to me this way... nvr again...

well being humbled by papers is one thing, to be humbled in sports is a completely different story... on wed, went for my 1st high jump training... didnt turn out well, at all... so we started off as rookies, all of us (jerome, simon, stanley and myself), but by the end of the day they were amateur pros while i was the amateur amateur... if i had an excuse i would say that long jumps and triple jumps were juz not my thing, but my only excuse is that i'm juz not cut out for it... and it doesnt make things easier when you have this super hot leggy chick jumping along side you... wasnt so much as a distraction but more like a try-not-to-screw-up-and-look-stupid sign... i guess we all have 2 start somewhere but its a long way to the top... maybe its the ego, or the sucking really bad at jumping or maybe its juz not wanting to be last, but watever it is that's probably gonna be the last of it, 4 now... this, is exactly why i say i'm not cut out for it... not because i dun have the capacity to, its juz that i dun have the want to... somehow i juz dun have that self-discipline, that inner fight to push me through, to excel... i get my fight from the people around me, team... maybe this is an opportunity to build my "fight", but i'm juz finding all the reason not to... there are juz so many things i can think of right now, but only one really matters... i'm quitting, i'm giving up and that's it... it really sucks but i dunno how else 2 put it... humbled, in every sense of the word...

well, if being humbled was supposed to last very long, it didnt... cuz i played in one helluva game 2day... after chinese CT and the chem "shock", i thought i was juz going 2 go home and rot but i stuck around and played some soccer... 1st game sucked really bad cuz i barely played 4 half an hour b4 hockey had training... then was desperate 4 soccer so kicked around 4 abit... went 2 the pool 2 watch the last swim heats, and when soccer disappeared i juz stayed by the pool til close to 6... then the real action came... hock-ers ended their training and the game was on... 2nd game of the day was kinda owning but the 3rd game was the sucker punch... played along side the hock-ers and everyone played really well, even darryl... game was outstanding on both sides, but of course it wouldnt be complete if i didnt score one of my best goals... one game to remember, seriously kick ass... so much 4 that, and wasting people's time... on a completely random note, i think mrs d'cruz is one kind of cool... i mean she can tell awesome stories (albeit at the most random times), and i think she can read people really well... somehow she can tell wat kinda person you are juz by looking at you, and more often than not she's spot on... she's not so bad an english teacher at all, and maybe its juz the right change...

sometimes we need to be humbled... and this is, one of those times...