well 2day was the maths CCT, and i think i can safely say i survived it... its the first time in a long time i've felt good after a maths test, knowing that i, unless freakishly unlucky, will not fail... its a good feeling, though i wont say anything about my marks, i'm juz hopeful 4 the best... and maybe this is the episode that is going 2 give me the strength and belief 2 take my maths seriously (by that i mean practice!)... the whole day was pretty much leading up 2 the big one (which is maths CCT), now that that's done, i feel pretty much relieved more than anything else... there's still geog and chem coming up next week but somehow that seems so distant and far away... i'm gonna need some serious help on geog if i'm going 2 work a miracle, of any scale... chem is juz another matter of muggin again, puttin in effort and succumbing to the pressure of maintaining a 4.0 grade (90% i dare say?)...

why cant i take my mind off you? why am i waiting for something that is nvr going to happen? why do i feel everything i'm feeling even though i know its foolish? why does my heart "skip a beat" whenever i hear from you? why cant my head and heart agree on the same thing? when your head knows its logically impossible, but your heart does otherwise? when u know its wrong, cuz the woman you love is with the wrong person right now? why cant i juz 4get about you? how did i ever get myself into this? why cant i be normal, like everyone else? why do i know, that i sound like every other time i've said this on my blog, times when i told myself to hate you, times when i told myself not 2 4get about you and times when i told myself that you still cared? why am i hurting myself? when i could have been happier all this time? why did i ever meet you in the 1st place? can someone tell me why? are you happy? am i being a pain in the ass? why am i even doing this? i guess there are a thousand other questions, but i guess the only one i really need to ask is this: do you still love me?

argh, that felt worse after coming out of my system... dunno why i subject others to my torture... i think people are juz so sick and tired of reading this kind of repetitive crap, when i cant make up my mind, i'm over-dramatizing everything and like tatwai said, i juz cant let go... it juz feels like shit inside... its juz so complicated to put everything out in black and white... ah well, it might be a joke 2 some out there, so i'll take pride in my agony having some entertainment value after all... ok moving on, b4 i drown myself, wallowing in self-pity... so we were watching this docu-movie called "An Inconvient Truth", and i think its one of the most powerful documentary/movie i've seen on global warming in particular... we get 2 see albert gore (some ex-US vice-president who lost 2 bush in the presidential election?) show some wicked powerpoint on global warming... hes a damn good speaker and more importantly, the data that he shows us are astounding... yes he spams us with alot of data but the underlying message behind it all is very clear: Global warming is one of the most pressing global issues right now... 4get nuclear warfare and weapons of mass destruction if the only thing ur gonna blow up 50 years from now is a spherical oven wiped of all living organisms... one thing that really hit me was the immense effects of global warming within the last 20 years, how it really juz exploded "right off the charts"... its so scary 2 think that its happening right now as i'm typing this, and as short as a lifetime, mother Earth could lose everything she made from billions of years ago... if we see how small we are, nothing else really matters... wat's scarier to think, is that we can do something 2 change it... maybe if we could juz do a little less, to help out a little more, who knows? the world might not be ending so soon... watever it is, i juz felt the movie had something really meaningful 2 say, if only we had the heart to listen... well, i think thats all i have 2 say 4 now, cuz this post is way overdue... i'm juz going 2 quietly slip out the back, so no1 will ever know that i'm gone... peace...