i realised i cant do photos, its juz not me... lol... anyway i think this week is a week of realisation... on the top of that list has got 2 be 2day's chem test... i realised i should not take anything for granted, esp chem... i think i flunked this test big time, dunno if the paper was difficult or i'm juz not prepared, but there were alot of doubts and hesitation during the paper, one i believed i could've smoked easily... the only thing i can fall back on now is my 90+ CA so far, and this wont be the last of them, but it juz really got me down cuz chem's supposed to be my best subject, and its not about passing but gettin the bonus marks kinda thing... maybe i have high expectations of myself but thats juz the way it is... and i really wasnt adequately prepared so this is kinda "serves me right"... same thing happened earlier this week 4 geog, messed it up 2... this one is easy 2 push the blame, but i definitely believe that i could've done more, which means the only thing i can do now is regret and kick some sense into myself... complacency did me in? really dun wanna acknowledge that but at the back of my mind thats wats buggin me... i'm not gonna juz let chem slip by me again, gotta make it mine...

another thing i realised is that no1 likes to get left out... i mean certain groups of people i juz really cant stand, i find the things they do really immature and childish... and the worst part is that they make themselves exclusive... and somehow, i juz feel left out, alone... its juz so weird, i know i wont do the sort of things they do, but its either you're in or you're out, and when you're out, its juz nvr a nice feeling... then i think about it again, sometimes when i'm with my friends do other people think and feel the same way? maybe i'm jealous... jealous about not being accepted, cuz i think and feel differently... maybe its all about comfort-zone, cuz people naturally feel more comfortable around people whom they feel are similar to them... i think i get affected by this kinda things too easily... this is why society is so powerful, in the wrong direction... people are willing to do anything 2 be accepted, and when they are not, they shoot up their schools... sometimes i dun blame these people, wat they did is wrong but maybe there's a bigger story behind it all... can you be different and be accepted? yeah maybe, juz not in this society... dun worry i'm not going 2 shoot anyone, if i did i'd probably shoot myself first... maybe its about how far i'm willing to change myself juz 2 be accepted by others?

and i realised one other thing... that you've changed... its in the way you talk, the way you write (i havent seen you, if i had i'd probably say its in the way you walk), somehow i'm slowly beginning to think you've become a person i dun know anymore... i'm not saying that you've changed 4 the worse (or better 4 that matter), juz that you've changed... its in the way my impression of you now stands... i mean somehow you've become lian-nish, no longer the sophisticated person you once were... i think i'm being very blunt but its juz wat i think... watever is inside i still believe is there, but i guess its juz the way you present yourself... maybe its the environment your in now, and its never easy 2 switch fronts... 2 me, you once had that sense of class around you, which apparently seems to have eluded you now... a little rough around the edges now, and maybe not as sweet anymore... maybe its all juz me, i'm 2 sensitive and i havent been around you 4 too long... who am i 2 judge? you are who you choose 2 be, maybe i've changed myself and i dun even realise it... more and more i believe i'm in love with the memory of you... i think i'm slowly beginning to let go, 4 all the wrong reasons... somehow i dun wanna believe it, but its becoming clearer... the image of you in my mind is not the one i had almost a year ago... and that may be the only, most substantial reason 4 me saying that i think u've changed... maybe the one, is juz not you anymore...