hai, another sunday gone out the window juz like that... shit, there's only 3 more weeks left til skul starts!!! havent done anything watsoever, and all my promises fall short once again... spent the whole of 2day at my grandparents place, was supposed 2 be there playing ps but ended up sleeping almost the whole day lah... i seriously think i biological clock is messed up... now, at night i dun feel sleepy til about 3am in the morning, and i'd be online from like 10 plus every night? my eyes are killing me but i'm juz not sleepy and i juz cant sleep... then i wake up like 8 or 9 in the morning, half dead... stone about like a friggin zombie til afternoon then i sleep again and the whole friggin cycle begins again... if this goes on any longer i will seriously die when skul reopens... and now i have a headache, my eyes are going 2 pop out of my head and i'm wide awake... someone tell me they're more screwed than i am... so anyway, was at my grandparents place, my sis was playing the ps the whole friggin day, i slept from 12 to 5, woke up and felt like a brick fell on my head, and worse of all i felt like i didnt sleep at all... came home, ate and watched MI3 again (on dvd), and i must say it was a nice show, even though i was fighting my head throughout the bloody long movie...

well, it juz struck me last night that i had the answer to all my questions all along... i shouldnt have felt anything in the 1st place... i was trying 2 be in a position that was nvr mine, and i lost sight of my goal, my priorities... i realised that there was a very simple answer to what seemed like a matter of life and death... right now, i have 2 focus on my bball, as much as it sucks and is taking every bit of my life, i have to do it... not only do it, but do it well, 2 my best... i know i shouldnt be wasting my time thinking about trivial matters, emotions and feelings... i know i cannot fall into a relationship right now, any kind... and when school reopens another agenda will arise; to get a 3.6 GPA 4 my final year... so far all my claims and promises have been empty and far from being real... even more so i should be using my time now 2 make up for lost ground, if i ever wish to see my aspiration fulfilled... time will be everything but a friend when skuls starts, and even if it seems i have plenty now, i will have none 2 spare for others when the time comes around... especially not for someone i'm supposed 2 be dedicated to... i've made that mistake once and i'm not going to make it again... i fall 2 quickly head over heels, i fall 2 deep, 2 fast... so fast i couldnt even catch my breathe, no time to take a second and think... but you made it clear for me, showed me wat i couldnt see... it wouldnt have been fair, all of the feeling would juz have been a rebound, and none of them would be true... i've hurt enuff people... so i have 2 get my priorities straight, most important of all get my head straight... maybe i should try 2 do things right 4 a change, look out 4 urself cuz only you know where ur going 2 place ur foot... its juz not time yet, i'm rushing everything... gotta ease my mind and take it slow... i 4got all about who i am, wat i'm supposed 2 be... my position, my place, my reality... guess there's a time and place 4 everything, and wat will be, will, eventually... thats all i gotta say, and i pray 2morrow will be a better day... peace...

P.S.
its damn funny as i was writing the last paragraph cuz everything kinda rhymes (sort of)... even if it didnt, i made it... its like a rap kinda something, good stuff... i think its damn corny but wat the heck man... juz saying, i'm out...