well i just got off from a convo with chris and i juz felt i had 2 get this down somehow... so me and chris were juz talking about random stuff, like christmas (which doesnt seem all that far away right now) and all til i got that tad bit emotional again... kinda triggered off wat i've been feeling all day, its like when ur in that zone ur juz in that zone, and anything will juz feel like that kinda feeling... every song, every phrase from a book, every line from a movie... juz makes u think again... so something chris said that i felt was so very true, something juz hit me... you can't choose who to love or not to love, its not your choice whether or not u wanna love a person... sometimes its not about ur head telling ur heart whether its the right choice, because there is no right choice, there is no choice in the 1st place... sometimes chris can be really goofy (actually most of the time, no offence dude), but when i can really talk 2 him he can juz be the best person 2 talk 2 in the world... even if he is totally not in2 ur case (which almost NEVER happens), he'll make it his case and its really nice talking 2 him, that is when hes not goofing off somewhere... anyway, it was juz that single line that really struck me right then... it somewat captured the essence of the moment (if i dare say)... you really cant choose who to love or who not to for that matter... maybe thats why love often happens without any reason, and there's no explaination 4 the things we do... maybe it wasnt anyone's fault 4 everything that happened... it juz, happened... love is not always about making the right choices, especially not with ur head, because your head cant tell ur heart wat to do, or wat u think is the right thing 2 do... the more we think, the more we get tangled up in the matters of the heart, and (no pun intended) thats where it matters the most... maybe thats wat went wrong, we tried 2 find the flaws and fix it, we read between the lines and got 2 caught up with ourselves... maybe we should juz flow and let love fix itself, but then again love is a power far beyond our control, and maybe nothing was wrong in the 1st place or the result was juz how it fixed itself... wat is life without emotions? who am i trying 2 kid about living a new, emotionless life? it wont ever be the same cuz now, i'm beginning 2 doubt whether there really is true love out there (wonder if i've said this b4, but anyway), even so it only happens in fairytales and bedtime stories...

haha, feels good 2 finally get that outta my system, and if anything that goes out 2 you chris... lol... so moving on, kinda read danny's blog and came across one of his post (some are quite interesting, as in really interesting)... so it was on the 15th of nov, titled "Basket what?", and the gist of the post is about none other than bball... i sorta kinda felt the feeling inside the post, at least wat i felt and wat it meant 2 me when i read it... and i'm damn well sure that i definitely felt that way more than once before, many times... its juz that point in time when i felt that bball was juz so not my thing anymore... well, i wont say i'm not harbouring these thoughts anymore but its definitely taken a turn 4 the better... now i can safely say that i'm willing 2 give it a shot, give it my best and most importantly give the rest of the team the best... but wat is camaraderie without fellows? and i've somewhat found the answer 2 why i lost touch with bball (somewhat from danny's post as well), it was because of the national squad and trainings... i've come out right with it cuz it can damn well burn itself 2 the ground... i juz made a realisation on saturday that i should have done right at the beginning... the training was total and complete crap, felt so outta place and picked on again by the damned coach... i realised that if it werent 4 danny or zf or any of the other guys, combined skuls can go fuck itself dead... but thats juz so not the point right now, i mean the only reason i lasted 3 years (and hopefully 3 more years) with bball is because of the guys, the people, your teammates... i know myself and i cant do the same sport 4 anything longer than i have interest 4, and believe me 3 years is more than past the expiry date... its the other guys that make the journey more than bearable... it juz doesnt feel that bad anymore when you see 11 other guys on the court fighting their guts out juz as hard as you are... well maybe that means something, maybe it doesnt, one thing's 4 sure is that after this shit hole of a combined skuls may mercy befall those who follow, 4 if you dun get shit biasness, you wont learn the meaning of true team spirit (apparently there izznt in the combined skuls team)... think i'll end here, feeling a hell lot better after emptying my thoughts... gonna spend wats left of the night with some new songs courtesy of chris... ending off, peace...

i'm gonna make you feel alright, tonight...