so here i am sitting infront of the com not really knowing wat 2 do right now... 2day is the beginning of the end (where have we all heard that line b4?) with 9 games in 9 days starting with OFS later in the afternoon... complete bullshit man, this is so much worse than having 3 rather hardcore trainings a week lah... not only does this string of 9 games eat into a sunday (a sunday 4 goodness sake), it also carries in2 the malaysia trip which means we'll be playing some really messed up teams along the way, not something i'm really looking 4wards 2 right now... this whole week is screwed cuz of all the games, which kinda translates into having no life (as usual lah)... turned down az 2 go orchard and hang out cuz really damn sian and no mood 2 chill out and do fun stuff (cant remember the last time i did something really fun)... i've been thinking about why i havent really been out much and the reason kinda lies with me... i think i juz passed up so many opportunities 2 have fun cuz i simply dun want 2, and i dun think i can really blame anyone or anything 4 me not having a life... its like i always seem 2 back out on outings with friends cuz i juz dun wanna go out and all, i really dun quite see myself having fun out there, dun really know wat 2 do... so i'd rather juz stay at home and rot, which is kinda wat i'm doing now... then i'll complain about not having a life and the whole cycle begins again i guess... its kinda crappy staying at home all the time, but when i think about it again i juz dunno wat else i can do outside that'll actually be better than dying at home...
well, actually there are so many things that i can do right now, like play pool, catch a movie, go bowling or maybe even spend a little time shopping 4 "my stuff", but the only problem with everything mentioned above is money... i'm so friggin short on cash right now and its only the beginning of the week... its kinda carried over from last week with the chalet, also with the $150 4 the combined skuls trip (my dad didnt really cover me fully 4 the thing so i had 2 top up on my own)... so i ended up using the money 4 this week 2 cover last week's expenses, and i still owe people money... everyone says juz go ask ur parents 4 more money but i mean you gotta learn how to deal with ur own money sooner or later, so i'm juz gonna rough it out with only $10 in my pocket right now (b4 clearing all my debts and expenses)... i wont say i've made it through with less but its gonna be a challenge lah, so anything fun is almost completely outta the question... even more crap ontop of crap... wat am i going 2 do with games everyday 4 the next 9 days, only 10 dollars in my wallet and almost no means of fun watsoever (no ps2 cuz of the fucked up games)? hai, and when i come back from the malaysian trip it will be the 1st of dec already, which means that half of the hols have already been burnt away... and that 1 year has passed... haha, i can still remember exactly wat i was doing on 1st of dec 2005, and its really amazing how powerful a person's memory can be, but thats another story 4 another day...
well, i'd better move away from all that negative vibes b4 i spiral down even further... spend quite some time putting up the music on my blog and i must say that i'm finally pleased with it i guess (only after modifying the blogskin and a whole load of crap i really didnt have 2 do)... i dun even think its the best yet but it will have 2 do 4 now... headache when it comes 2 finding the right song 2 put up lah, but as long as i like it then nothing else matters lah... hai, almost time 4 me 2 go already, thinking of going 2 the lib 2 get another book (4th book of the hols already) b4 going down 2 orchard 4 my first game... think i'll end off with wat danny said yesterday, "its half a season in the space of 9 days" (he said something like that lah)... peace...
am i suffering from depression?
