well, its late afternoon on a friday and i'm surprised i'm not sleeping my life away (but neither am i doing anything productive with it)... juz came back from some x-ray thingy 4 my braces... well, 4 those of u who are following the story or are even interested (mostly only bballers), x-ray shows that i DO NOT in fact have an extra tooth... which means no surgeries 4 me watsoever (at least 4 now), but have 2 remove 4 teeth (premolars 2 be exact) b4 my braces can be fitted in2 place... nothing much 2 worry now cuz everything would be after CTs (damn, no excuse 2 pon skul), might have 2 do some root canal thingy 2 cuz of my messed up tooth, now that 1 i'm quite freaked out, but overall really relieved that i dun have an extra tooth and dun have 2 go 4 surgery... saw my wisdom tooths oso (all 4 of them), quite cool yet at the same time freaky, gotta remove all of them sooner or later (hopefully during NS ba), damn tempted 2 ask the dentist 4 my x-ray film 2 keep cuz it was pretty darn cool...

enuff about the orthodontics thingy, moving on 2 some bigger stuffs... realised lately how fragile life can really be... i mean with the passing of steve erwin and a fellow rafflesian, it juz brings life right up in your face with no false pretenses or sweet nothings, juz the cold harsh facts about reality... its not juz the passing of these 2 souls, but its the way they were taken from us... it juz makes u think about life, a painful reminder that life is the way it is (or that life's a real bitch)... i mean i'm in no position 2 say i know everything about life and how it works, but juz thinking about how scary it is, 2 have everything taken from you in juz a blink of an eye... i'm sittin here right now typing these words as i see them on the screen, i should be thankful that i'm given the opportunity and that i'm lucky 2 have the things i have, but somehow it juz doesnt sink in until something bad really hits u... people can say that u shouldnt take things 4 granted and that u should appreciate things around u, but none of them can really mean it until something has changed their lives, until they themselves experience it... i cant say that i'm a saint or an angel or anything of that sort (nothing close), because i'm guilty of taking things 4 granted, not appreciating wat i have, always complaining about stuff, making other people's lives a livin hell and stuff like that... but its juz things like these, that make you stop and think, probably wont do you much good if it doesnt directly affect you but at least it make you think, and 4 that split moment you start 2 wonder what all this really means, what life is really all about, but most importantly you start 2 appreciate that little bit you have... no1 is perfect, guess everyone's like that, you juz let the world pass you by day after day, never really holding on but letting go everyday... i know i've said all of these far 2 many times, and i'm still sayin it cuz i'm a little hypocritical bastard... at least i truly feel this way, it may not last very long and b4 u know it i'm that little shit thats bitchy about every little thing again, but til then i hope i can do something about it man... yeah u cant change everything in the world, but change wat u can around u, or at least try 2...

hai, i'm so foolish... gettin all emotional again, especially last night at like 1 am in the morning... juz couldnt help but 2 think about everything again... you cant blame me (i think?), its really not easy 2 4get someone like you (but i guess u can take rocket-propelled grenades and shove them up my ass 4 repeating myself over and over again on my blog)... juz so full of everything (including crap), so much so i even tried 2 write a poem but it turn out like crap (when was the last time i wrote a poem, used 2 be quite good at it) and was a total turn off... i still cant help but 2 think about you, when i'm alone in the middle of the night wishing you were there 4 me 2 hold... i really dunno wat 2 say anymore, cuz everything's been said before... i still wish and dream about us being back together, but given the chance it would never materialise because i know our feelings are different now, and it can never be the way it once was... i cant let go of the past, while i'm searching for my future... i guess i'll have 2 deal with it like everyone else, eat shit and move on... i dunno whether 2 wish 4 your happiness or painfully dissect every limb and make juice with ur partner's organs, but since being the immature jerk i always was, i'll wish for your eternal (does anyone still believe in "forever"?) happiness... "maybe love will be nice in someone else's life (taken from stacie orrico)"... think i should juz stop here b4 everything starts 2 get 2 cheesy or b4 i break down... i'm really at a loss 4 words right now, my emotions are gripping me so tightly i wish they would juz choke me 2 death, or at least put me out of my misery... i keep telling myself to give you up and 4get about you, but deep down i never want 2, even if i have 2 suffer like this... maybe the day i really clean you completely from my memory, hell will actually freeze over... so i'll drown myself in tears or strangle myself with emotions, either way i'm going... til i come back, peace...