so 2day had g'cup... well, came from a not so fruitful training at combined skuls... beginning 2 feel that combined skuls totally sux (long story), and i'm quite sure that a few others share the same sentiments... so highlight of the day was g'cup, went down 2 do table official and stuff (no game cuz last week kena kicked out liao)... got there at like 11+ only 2 find out that next game was at 2... so burned the time away slacking and juz shooting around... the sun was once again a friggin murderer lah, bloody cooking the whole friggin place... kena cooked like lobster again (but this time not so bad got coach's sunblock)... lotsa people at RJ cuz of some scholarship talk, so was kinda "alive" at 1 point in time... so game time came around, nothing much juz the sian-ness of doing table... had this guy called frank (whom i must say looks quite shuai, 25?), lost his car keys... he was like pretty frantic, b4 his game somemore, so we were like looking under everything (and i mean everything, or almost lah) for his keys... thankfully he found them at the end of the day (seriously at the END of the day), won his game by 1 in the process oso... his teammates damn funky and cool and friendly oso lah... got this 1 guy called "wawa" (dun ask me why hes called that, beats me)? hes damn funny and friendly lah, according 2 az his father is some minister and his mum is angmo (which explains his angmo-ish features)... damn cool... oh and there's this other guy (same batch as frank), called john i think, had this SUPER DUPER cho gf... wth man, seriously when i saw i was like WOW... really cant keep my eyes off her, but taken already, somemore if i stare the john guy would probably use blow torches 2 torches my eyes out or something lah... she was seriously damn cho, kinda envy the guy 4 having such a cho gf, hes probably gonna get some lovin' 2night... anyway, moving on, did like 2 games of table then wrapped up 2day, watched abit of coach's game, sad he lost though (classics?)... took a quick shower and went 2 j8 2 makan (zf, kevin boo, dillon and yi fei stayed and played 2-0n-2, wth man)... makan liao sian, come home...

realised my blog post nowadays are gettin really repetitive and sian... oso noticed that i've been writing alot about how my day went and stuff, all the small unnecessary details, and i wonder where did the "thinking" johnny go 2? the once filled with thoughts and feelings johnny? juz wondered where all that "magic" went (bold as it is, i dare say it was magic)? juz been thinking so much, i know i can safely say i'm over us already, but somehow i juz started thinking again 2day... i juz wanted someone 2 be there with me, 2 see and feel everything i was i feeling, 2 care if i was doing ok and know if i'm alright... i juz wanted someone... and i thought again, when i felt that life was good enuff living "single", when i thought i dun need the other half cuz all it ever brought was pain and misery, when i said screw it 2 relationships and stuff of that sort... i felt all that once b4, when i knew u were nvr coming back, and i held true 2 that, until my head gave way 2 my heart... until 2day... maybe all i want is juz someone 2 care 4 me, someone i can feel close 2, someone 2 share my day with... but somehow i juz keep feeling that same feeling over and over again, that feeling that i need u somehow, that feeling that i want u back, and that feeling that i gave up on... if this pain is the only way i can stay connected 2 u, i'd rather suffer this pain than 2 4get everything, cuz at least i know that i still have u in my heart... i know i will look back and kick myself in the nuts 4 everything i'm feeling and saying right now, but i know that it wont be 4 nothing... maybe i'm juz feeling nostalgic (can it even be called that?), "missing someone"... and 1 pray it will be over soon, but until it dies down, i'll be living in sweet torment, cuz every minute my heart aches, it grows stronger... right now i juz wish we were right back at the beginning, and we would start over, i'll hold onto every moment as if it were our last, cuz i'll know when it would truly be...

been living in the shadows 4 the past couple of days and i cant take it anymore... i juz wanna get it over and done with, i dun wanna feel like i owe anyone anything... i dun wanna feel like a criminal and be guilty of something as simple as this... i dun want 2 be held captive by my conscience anymore... i'm juz gonna come clean 2morrow, 2 my teammates and all... the punishment can wait, but i'm gonna apologise 2 my teammates 2morrow... i cant live in this fear and guilt anymore, i cant pretend as if nothing has happened and live life as it is... i dun wanna owe myself an answer, neither do my teammates... coming clean, 4 good...