so i'm sitting here on a sunday night, feeling numb... not juz in my left foot with ice wrapped around it cuz i sprained my ankle during g'cup on sat, but numb... i nvr really believed in using the word numb 2 describe myself, cuz i'm a person of feeling (i believe so), a person of emotion, so its gonna be quite hard 4 me 2 become "numb"... and this probably right now izznt "numb" at all, maybe that feeling is nowhere near numb or even close, but thats the word i choose 2 describe how i'm feeling...

the story goes, sat morning combined skuls, had a match against the previous batch of U-16, kinda won but we outnumbered them like 18-10 so didnt count so much as a victory i feel, juz a friendly... somehow feel that they really have a team of good players (or maybe 6-8 players at least), and we do 2, maybe even better (evident from a combination of our players)... but we juz gotta find our rhythm and play as a team, not a collection of all-stars... screwed up quite badly i feel, dead as a rat and not alert at all, kena burned once or twice by raven (maybe more but who's counting?)... dunno how i fit in2 the picture at all, dunno how i'm going 2 stand up and be counted... juz gotta find my time... after that had g'cup, burning sun, thought it was going 2 be pretty cool despite the whether (no pun intended)... saw yi zhen, huang yu and zhe nian there 2 (boarders)... so came along our game, heat on top of fire, couple of things were boiling over, seriously not blaming anyone but we only had like 6 friggin players? spare me... then came along me, and my left ankle (again, shit i'm going 2 die earlier cuz of this i tell u), was through 4 the day, which meant that charles' hard rock cafe was going 2 rock itself without me... damn sian didnt get 2 go 2 hard rock with the rest of the guys, felt like things were 2 good 2 be true... went 2 see the chinese doc and had a talk with coach (he was talking the whole way though)... alot of things said, juz felt like shutting everything out again but i simply cant because of the team... they are really a bunch of great guys and i wouldnt be doing right 2 any of them... so came home slept, woke up couldnt walk, missed g'cup and stoned at home, slept again, no work done watsoever... missing skul 2morrow so that gives me 1 more day 2 clear up all this shit...

really hope my ankle will heal faster, feel like my whole world is in a messed up state right now... i've got work, i've got my bball, my gym, my teammates, my friends and everything else... i juz feel really really numb right now... i dunno wat 2 feel or wat 2 think... its juz like there are so many things on my list i wanna get outta the way, but i juz feel so restricted and lost... its not that i dun wanna get it all out and done with, juz feel like i'm being held back, by no1 but myself... "A man who hesistates in taking the first step lives life standing on one foot." (no pun intended once again) i juz want 2 get my work done, i want 2 go do gym, i want 2 be part of the team again, i want 2 play good bball and i want all my real friends again... i want it all 2 be how it used 2 be, but can it ever be the same? and i'm thinking again, and i feel alone (again)... i seek for ur comfort and ur reassurance, but now i wonder if u're really worth it... the answer is (truly), ur not... ur juz not worth it... this whole idea of being 2gether with u, its juz full of bullshit and nonsense... wats the point if ur gonna be alone anyway? yeah, i have a sad and miserable life juz like every single one of u pathetic souls out there... yeah i'm whining too, friggin deal with it...

owe myself 100 pull-ups, for betraying myself, the only person i have left... i juz want my ankle 2 recover ASAP!!! maybe there are things that can be done right now but i juz simply dun feel like doing... i wanna do the 100 pull-ups, i wanna go do gym cuz i'm feeling all weak and shitty (both emotionally and physically)... someone tell me 2 fucking grow up and stop being like a 3 year old cry baby... i have no1 except me and until i can do justice to myself, i can do no good 2 anyone... i want my teammates back, "the 5 sec2s"... i want my real friends back, and not juz some people where by u force urself 2 laugh juz so u can be accepted... thats bullshit... i want guys who can stand up for u, with u... not juz talk and no show... accuse me of being hypocritical, i cant quite give a shit right now... i've yet 2 prove myself, so have all you people out there... honour, loyalty and pride... i need a good shot of all 3... there's no way 2 start anew with a fresh slate, but sure as hell there's a way 2 start right now... can this crisis bring out character? or izzit going 2 be another load of shit? i wont be as bold 2 say i will get my life back on track (i dunno if it even went off in the 1st place, maybe it has always been this screwed), but i will see 2 it that i get a couple of things straight... no more bullshit, no more nonsense... gotta win myself back and until i'm satisfied, i wont stop... gotta win back the trust of those around me, once i've done that, i can safely say that's all i'm ever going 2 need... i wont look back 2 regret, cuz everything i have is everything i've achieved...

GAME START

its finally the end of the week, the end of a rather (but then again not so) busy week... the real action begins 2morrow when there's gyphons cup and charles' hard rock cafe thingy!!! wah cant wait 4 that 1 man, would be totally cool and fun (i hope lah)... pray that wont be too knocked out 2 miss out on the fun... wont get much rest this coming weekend, gonna be damn bloody hardcore, 2morrow gonna be out from like 7am til 10 or 11+pm? then sun oso got gryphons cup so will have 2 go down and help out... ok, so 2day had like the slackiest (is it even a word?) day ever man (or close to lah)... had geog 1st thing in the morning with debates, then mark, jon gan, kasong and myself went up 2 kena own (cuz we didnt know wat the hell we're gonna say), then in the end we pwned everyone's ass... seriously the most joker lesson i've ever had lah (can say the same 4 the class oso), kasong and mark are seriously unbelievable, they are the funniest shit on earth man... next time must ask jon gan 2 take video put on youtube... lol... geog went by in a hurry, but had extremely lotsa fun (i mean wats not 2 have fun when ur teacher doesnt care, u dun care and pretty much everyone else doesnt care? sounds fun right? lol)... then after that had pe, swimming... didnt particularly enjoy it very much, not so much a fan of large catchments of water... abit sian oso cuz no polo, hoping 2 play polo next lesson... after kena wiped by swimming had chem, do the stupid titration, whole day cant get the right volume, like that mon the lab prac sure fail 1 lah... somemore 4got 2 ask yau pooi har 4 extention of the chem project, like that must find some way 2 chiong during weekend (which is a near impossiblity cuz of g'cup)... not 4gettin CLE, where "ms. PMS" came in and started doin her thang again (by which i mean PMS-ing, dun get me wrong)... somehow she managed 2 f the class upside down 4 no particularly good reason, got me somewhat pissed again... one day (in the not so distant future), i swear i will make her pay 4 all the shit she's been giving us... juz wait and see... but consolation in the fact that she kena semi-owned by the class 2day, bout her unreasonable-ness... dunno how she still can manage 2 come back and bite us (last ditch attempt 2 save face ba?), which means no late work 4 chinese from now... like i said (quote from, me?), "If she wants to play, we'll play." lol... after skul juz as i wanted 2 go RJ play bball it friggin rained lah, of all days i dun want 2 play bball nvr rain, when i want 2 play it FRIGGIN rains... lucky it was only a light drizzle that went on 4 about 10-15 mins, after that played in the wet courts with zf, juz shootin around... shortly after joined by sng yi, then zf left and i played til bout 3 lah (played with "roubang" and sec4 junwei 3-on-3 against RJ peps)... came home and slacked around til about now lah... eng portfolio extended til mon!!! frankly i dunno why i'm cheering oso, should have finished it ages ago and with the little or practically no time over the weekends, i should be cursing the temptation of slacking off (slacking, now)... hiya, guess it gives me abit more breathing room ba...

had this talk during assembly on thurs, about being happy (or how 2 try and be happy lah at least)... felt it was really quite inspirational (some people called it crappy so watever lah)... felt that some of the points mentioned during the thingy were really very true, and we all know it as fact, but maybe we juz needed a little reminder... i felt it kinda liberated me from all the pain and misery i had inside me about us... it was like a wake up call (about time eh?)... i mean, at that point in time i felt it really made alot of sense 2 me, we choose whether or not we want 2 be happy, and when we face problems, juz know that it is part of a cycle, the cycle of life... no1 has any less problems than u, but the ones who succeed are those who know how 2 deal with these problems... and (surprisingly true), if there were no problems in our lives, we would nvr be happy... it is the feeling of conquering ur difficulties that give u that rush, that feeling, that happiness... felt these words (amongst many other of which my memory has failed me) are but a mere fact of life, and we can all find these words if we look 4 them hard enuff, yet sometimes all we need is someone 2 tell us that (4 me, that someone would be an australian guy who can speak chinese and draw some seriously messed up cartoons man)... 1st time i've taken the bus past ur place 2day in god knows how long, and i that was when i truly knew i was set free... yes, i may still hurt sometimes, i may still think about you and all that could have been... and yes, i may still have feelings 4 u, but i know that i can move on now... as i sat there in the bus with the rain pouring outside, i knew that these tears falling outside, can nvr get 2 the inside of my heart again...

ok 1st, i must officially declare that Life As We Know It (some awesome series on star world) ROCKS!!! lol, excuse my sudden enthu-ness but i juz watched the show and (if u have not already guessed) i absolutely love it!!! its the classic 3 high skul friends juz hanging out, going through life and stuff... they talk about stuff like sex (totally not why i watch the show), relationships, dealing with problems and blah blah... really like the 3 characters in the show; dino, jonathan and ben... dino is the playa-cum-playboy that totally checks out chicks, jonathan is the "supposedly" nice guy, faithful 2 (fat and rather ugly) gf and last but so not very least ben, who is going out (i repeat, going out as in going STEADY) with his english teacher... i oso like the way the show makes use of a television effect called a "freeze frame", where they temporarily freeze the world around our lead characters while they make comments, complain and basically juz tells us wats going through their minds... really juz adds that little bit in2 the show... ok i particularly enjoyed 2day's episode because it revolved around ben and his affair with the teacher... dun get me wrong, but its juz like having ur wildest fantasies being lived out right b4 u, but anyway, so things happen here and there until the main part where the teacher (called Monica Young played by Marguerite Moreau) gets jealous when the guy (ben) seems 2 be gettin pretty close 2 another female student... she then fails the female students on an assignment (the students juz so happens 2 be a straight A's student so, tough luck) 2 get even and stuff, then in the end kena found out and stuff lah... alot of things (amongst many others), and in the end he gave her up, not really cuz of the assignment thing, but more of because he wanted 2 be normal, because he wanted a life that everyone else had... really really like this episode cuz it kinda clicks with me (frankly all of the episodes i've watched thus far have clicked with me in 1 way or another), its like the female teacher gets jealous cuz the male student is close 2 another female student (the roles are reversed this time eh?), then the teacher tries 2 get back and fails, finally the guy breaks up with the teacher cuz he wants a normal life and is tired of living a life of deceit (reversed again?)... how it reminds me, so very much... all 2 familiar, juz that the shoe is on the other foot this time... can totally relate man, thats why i felt so "clicked" with this episode... lol, ok lah enuff about Life As We Know It (although its is still my official number 1 favourite show of all time, lol), save some 4 another time...

not really much 2day, cept 4 maybe thousands dying around the world as i'm typing this very line (oh so very random, but oh so very true)... it's true, but anyway the busy week is only juz beginning with the support 2morrow 4 the cdiv sz finals against friggin cat high... 1stly, wishing all the best 2 the cdiv team man, go out there and kick some serious ass, not 4getting 2 make them shit blood 2morrow! 2ndly, dun get me started on @$#%^#%^@ cat high... had enuff of their nonsense and bullshit... 3rdly, there's work 2 be done (wat the hell does that have 2 do with cdiv finals 2morrow? frankly i dunno oso)!!! got eng and maths and watever else not... plus support is all the way in redhill (who in the right mind would have the sz finals played in friggin redhill? no offence)... i really dun mind going down 2 support the cdiv team, more than happy 2 watch them make cat high shit blood, but redhill? gotta be kiddin man... transport there but i aint got a plane ride home... ok wont complain about redhill and sz finals anymore, once again best of luck 2 the cdiv team, time 2 open a can of whip-ass... lol... havent started on any work watsoever yet, kinda semi-screwed my maths cct 2day? think i pretty much nailed qns 1 and 3 but crashed and burned for qns 2 and 4... really hate myself 4 not muggin enuff 4 this maths cct, everyone is like owning it with both eyes dug out and their hands painfully severed from their torso (damn gore lah, sounds like something from Saw, not suitable 4 children under 16, lol)... now all i can do is hope 4 the best, and pray that my (1st ever mugged maths topic) R&F theorem will save my miserable ass (or wats left of it)... well (jumping from 1 random topic 2 another), recently hooked onto this 2-man (or 2-women as chee yang would like 2 point out) band called the veronicas... twin sisters (that are surprisingly cho) playing totally rocker songs like "When It All Falls Apart" and my current favourite "4ever"... nvr thought 2 chicks would be able 2 create somewhat good sounding semi-rock songs... cant get enuff of 4ever, really nice, love the lyrics 2... well thats pretty much about it, abit buay song 2day didnt get 2 gym until i would have felt shiok, although i did gym in my condo 4 abit, but still not as shiok as doing bench or pull-ups... lol nvm, thurs after training i will whack (hopefully lah)... ending off with this thought, "Everyone is born as a blank piece of paper, it's the different people that come and go in our lives that add the details to this paper. It might be a word of encouragement or a tear in the heart of the paper, but everyone leaves a mark. Good or bad, big or small, a minute or a lifetime. Everyone leaves a mark." peace...

well its a tuesday again (haha, somehow guess tues juz always have 2 come around eh?)... 13th june was a tues, but nvm that was completely irrelevant... pretty uneventful these couple of days cept 4 watching of pirates 2, thought it was only so-so, dunno why everyone say damn nice... didnt like it when they left alot of things hanging juz like that, all the loose ends, yeah its cuz of pirates 3 but i think that was wat took it away from me... alot of details in the movie 2 (good or bad?)... finally got my ic on monday (totally 4got about it lah, guess it wasnt really that big), nothing much of the news but thought i looked kinda funky in the pic (actually its like crap but leaning juz that little more 2 the funky side)... been frettin over eng oral and physics quiz these couple of days (eng since last fri actually and physics since nvr), both of which have yet 2 materalize... oral more or less outta the way (which i would have preferably done 2day) but physics still nowhere (hopefully can pretend 2 mug physics again later 4 the 3rd day in a row, lol)... still have 2 chiong eng portolio b4 friday and with that sums up my work 4 this week (pretty much)... had tuition juz now, then went down 2 the gym in my condo... wasnt so much a piece of crap as i thought, still had some stuff so i did what i can, less hardcore cuz saving 4 2morrow (gonna do the new abs exercise gerrard taught us, lol)... hai, dunno why juz cant seem 2 be able 2 pay any attention in class these few days lah... i slept through half of maths 2day (which basically means i'm screwed ), chem was a total flop (screwed again), physics and chinese were barely there (again and again)... juz dun seem 2 be able 2 catch anything in class, dun feel like and simply juz cant... its like i'm trying 2 but nothing seems 2 be going in... i'm damn scared 4 my chem, physics, chinese and maths now lah... really dun wanna screw up any of them, especially chem... gotta start extra muggin soon? die lah... on a completely separate (and random) note, carrie chong is taking say it with music!!! alright man, 987 must have finally bought a brain on ebay or something... carrie chong totally rocks lah, and i can finally hear her from 8-11 on SIWM (where she used 2 do the 2-5 shift and i was probably in skul or sleeping lah wth)... jamie yeo's married so i dun quite really care about her anymore (lol)... young and daniel ong are taking the 5-8 shift, and i must say that they're quite funny 2gether, not bad a combo (frankly, daniel ong is ok but the real joker is young... he took SIWM b4 and i know)... hai, my life is gettin really dull (either that or i'm gettin really dull), no1 pays any friggin attention 2 me, i talk about lame and irrelevant stuff (read above 2 get an idea) and most importantly, i feel dead... dunno what the hell is going on man... hai, juz hope can get myself back on track lah...

dunno why i keep thinking about u these couple of days... my lack of concentration as a result? i know watever i say or do wont make much of a difference, yet i dunno why i'm doing it all the same... i ask myself, "did i lose my love to someone better? does he love you like i do?" i really do... help me 2 move on, give me strength, pick me up... only you...

the weekend is finally here... wont say it was a very productive week, but at least a couple of quizzes are outta the way... so 2day had combined skuls training... felt it was pretty ok, kinda sorta gettin myself back on track? was quite ok up til the point where bai jiarong suggested shooting 150 3ptrs... my shooting sucks (not saying it was good in the 1st place but u get the point), think we took a good 30 mins 2 hit all 150 shots? so after that went 2 tp 2 gym (by myself again), damn lot of people there, abit surprised 4 a saturday (but then again wats there 2 be surprised about?)... did a couple of stuff, cuz went gym yesterday so 2day juz slack a little (alone somemore so abit sian), but in the end still felt it was quite shiok... after that took a train home (with 25 cents in my ezlink card?), bought cheap bread and stoned at home... stoned til about 230 when my sis english tutor came around... if there's 1 thing about her that struck me, it would definitely be that she's very very attractive (notice i didnt use the word hot, thought i'd change up the vocab)... and i mean VERY attractive... heard from my sis that she's mixed (half eurasian half chinese)? that explans her more than prominent curves... well, nvr really got a good chance 2 take a good look at her, but 4 1 thing she's really quite the something... now there's a reason 4 me 2 get home b4 230... lol... my sis piano teacher oso damn cho, but in both cases (eng and piano), i nvr really get 2 take a good look at them... hai, if i had a younger brother i'd probably beat him up lah (lucky bugger)... lol... some people juz get all the luck... so moving on, havent done any work watsoever 2day, which means i'm screwed... got eng speech 2 prepare, eng portfolio 2 do (the whole friggin thing lah), physics quiz 2 mug (postponed from last week) and basically alot of other stuff... now its like damn sian lah, knowing that i have so much left 2 be done, i juz keep going around finding stuff (other than work) 2 do lah... juz dun feel like doing work, but there's nothing else 2 do!!! damn sian lah... feel like watching pirates of the caribbean: dead man's chest, hope can watch 2morrow lah... my other com (now using laptop again) is friggin screwed again lah (did i mention it?), so i'm thinking imma start from scratch here again, hopefully my laptop wont screw me over like the other com did... ok, i'm running outta things 2 talk about (why am i not surprised?)... ending off with a couple of thoughts...

realised now that when i come online, there's pretty much nothing 4 me 2 do, not really anyone 4 me 2 talk 2... realised that sometimes i wish 4 things 2 happen, that nvr will... sometimes i keep thinking that u'll ask me out one day 4 no good reason, juz 2 watch a movie or something... the more i think of it, the more i juz give up... i cant really remember how u looked like when i last saw u, dun think i know how u look like now... its not that long a time now izzit? 1 month? funny how things turn out, izznt it? thought about it, and i think that imma remain alone 4 quite some time at this rate... not saying that i wanna stay single or that i dun wanna try, its juz that i dunno how 2 bring myself 2 be emotionally attached 2 someone else when i know that ur the one i want... i juz cant bring myself 2 do it... doesnt matter if the person is 10 times better than u, it's juz not u... its juz different... i'm not upset or anything, but i juz wonder sometimes, wats the point in me saying all these when u probably dun quite give a shit... hai, nvm lah, cant change wat u cant control... change wat u can... here's the last stanza of the chinese poem from b4, realised i missed out the best part of the poem, guess i was 2 caught up in my own misery 2 actually see the other side of the picture... now that i see it in totality, this last stanza, is probably the most powerful 1... and should (more than the previous 3) describe how i feel 2wards everything... here goes:

世界上最遥远的距离
不是
明明无法抵挡这种思念
却还得故意装做丝毫没有把你放在心里。
而是
用自己冷漠的心对爱你的人，
掘了一条无法跨越的沟渠。

《世界上最遥远的距离》

世界上最遥远的距离
不是
生与死，
而是
我就站在你面前
你却不知道我爱你。

世界上最遥远的距离
不是
我就站在你面前
你却不知道我爱你，
而是
明明知道彼此相爱
却不能在一起。

世界上最遥远的距离
不是
明明知道彼此相爱
却不能在一起，
而是
明明无法抵挡这种思念
却还得故意装做丝毫没有把你放在心里。

got the above chinese poem from a chinese worksheet 2day, heard the 1st stanza b4 somewhere and i guess that was where it came from... not the complete poem though (felt that the last stanza was not really relevant so i didnt include it), but a nice poem nonetheless... feel somewhat close 2 the poem cuz i've been there and done that... really cant help thinking again... a beautiful and painful poem, juz like what we had between us... juz like wat we didnt have... juz like everything that was never meant 2 be...

hai, gettin all shitty and emotional again... why cant the world juz leave me alone man? all of a sudden come out this poem (not taking anything away from the poem, its a really really nice poem)... the joke is, got the poem in chinese class (duh right, chinese poem), where i was this close (trust me, very close) 2 walking out of the classroom... my chinese teacher (wont mention names, 4 my sake more than hers) has 1 serious attitude problem which she better fix b4 i fix it 4 her... juz because 2 u everyday is friggin chinese new year and u dress like it doesnt mean u friggin own the world lah... she make herself sound damn big and righteous, then she go around puttin people down... i tell u, if she wasnt a teacher i would have taken her bullshit and shoved it up hers and walked out of class lah... seriously, if she pushes my limits 1 more time i will walk right out of that class, i'm not learning anything anyway so why bother wasting my time... juz cant stand people with attitude like hers... really pei fu zhang kai, hes got guts 4 1 thing, and at least he stands up 4 wat he believes in (whether or not it is the right thing is another story)... probably the worse lesson of chinese i ever had, and i walked away with nothing but a couple a choice words 4 my chinese teacher and this incredible poem (ironic?)... hai, still cant get all the thoughts outta my head... well, moving on (gotta at least try 2 stop thinking about everything else 4 a moment), signed up 4 my dmp 2day (late right, heck care)... went com lab with zf and darryl, tried 2 sign up 4 the same courses but in the end all kena screwed, all different from each other... well done, and i didnt get 2 take the courses i want oso (partly cuz they were all taken already, and in the end left with all the kena sai courses so bo bian), but look at it this way, i get 2 share a couple of courses with darryl and zf (although sadly none with the both of them together?), and 4 those that i didnt really wanna take i'll juz see it as trying something new lah... my timetable izznt any better oso, i got like 4 mornings free (means i can wake up late), but i would seriously rather it be morning lessons then the rest of the day free... even with my minimum of 48 hrs already damn packed lah, like almost everyday is full day... dmp is another joke that is gettin my blood boiling lah... another waste of my time... hai, 2day is overall a damn crappy day, but at least i got the poem (juz cant stop mentioning it lah) and the ri tracksuit... Raffles Basketball, looks abit gay-cum-cool, dunno how that works out oso... dun think i have much else 2 say already, got physics quiz 2morrow (which i will probably fail, i know nuts about sound and wat CRO lah), hopefully i mug abit of bio which is coming up oso (on thurs, but i dun think i will mug lah)... feeling really low now, dunno why oso... i dun have my bloody songs cuz my bloody speakers are bloody dead... i'm bloggin from my laptop which is totally screwed cuz i'm not used 2 the laptop keyboard... my mind is running, and ur the 1 i'm chasing, but will i ever catch u? hai, i'm officially depressed... i gotta stop already, b4 i start going loopy (if i havent already done so)... end off with this quote from a jodi picoult book (read it off the cover in popular, lol), "It takes two to make a lie work, the person who tells it and the one who believes it." absolutely random, but somewhat true... back soon, peace...

i still dream about u; i'm not missing you... i still feel u close 2 me; i'm not missing you... i still wish u never left; i'm not missing you... i won't stop loving you unless i can find someone better... the best 195 days of my life... lover's fool...

hai, gettin so emotional again... must be the rain, juz cant help but 2 think back... if only heaven's tears could wash away all the memories... juz dunno how stop thinking about u... yes i'm living my life, but in the shadow of our past? hai, nvm lah juz gotta try 2 move on... well, didnt do much these 2 days, pretty much counting on the fact that i have 1 extra day 2morrow, but in the end i have a feeling i'll get screwed pretty bad (cuz i'm comtemplating on going out 2morrow?)... got all these quizzes and assessments coming in next week, maths, phyics, chinese, bio and eng (last 3 all on thurs)... then still got maths portfolio? dunno lah, really no mood 2 think about all that work and muggin that's left 2 be done... 2night is world cup finals, probably the last (or close 2 last) time i will be ranting on about world cup already... 4 years, 1 game... italy vs france, everything boils down 2 this... got the whole world watching 2night (2morrow morning 2 be exact), everyone is talking about it, with alot of views on both finalists, cant quite be bothered 2 say much here cuz watever that can be said, has probably been repeated a good 10-20 times, so i juz hope italy will win... well, watched this show on mtv "The Wade Robson Project"? this dancing show, were people juz basically, dance... dunno why, got abit hooked on2 it (cuz quite frankly right, those people on the show, not half of them are even good, but everything is hip hop there, so basically anything goes), see all those guys and chicks break down impossible beats... some are quite good lah must admit, others juz look like they were born without any sort of coordination watsoever... kinda hoping 2 see more of those break-dancing style, a little disappointed in that aspect but the beat that these people dance 2 are totally whacked man, and the dj is damn good (she's a girl btw)... yeah, suddenly got this dancing fever sweeping over me, but dun worry, i'm not going 2 doing anything stupid until i got some skills (then again, i could still be doing something stupid)... feel like learning break-dancing + hip hop dancing, hiya but feel like learning alot of things, in the end still stay at home and sleep... but dancing requires alot of confidence, and i kinda respect those dudes and chicks on the stage man... talking about dancing, 2night got shall we dance i think, starring j lo and some old dude (think its richard gere, haha, richard gere, no more birds lol)... seems like quite a nice show, maybe i'll watch it later... there's pirates of the caribbean: curse of the black pearl, probably watch that 1 too in anticipation of the sequel pirates of the caribbean: dead man's chest... wanna watch that 1, but only opens this thurs... yeah, so that's my line up 4 2night, got nothing much 2 do til the world cup finals at 2am so guess i have time 2 burn... feel like going out 2morrow, maybe gym and pool then hang out in orchard or something... gonna be the same as 2 weeks ago when the rest of the world is anywhere but hanging out... i tell u, our skul is seriously screwed... but 2morrow got no movies 2 watch (i'm not watching garfield 2 and i'm sure as HELL not watching superman returns), abit sian... maybe watch re-cycle? who's up 4 it? hahahahaha, i'll probably be screaming my ass outta the cinema... lol... see how lah, really dun wanna be couped up at home, dun wanna give myself any room 2 think... listening 2 the song "I'm Not Missing You" by stacie orrico, probably the only way i know how 2 convince myself that i'm not missing you... who am i trying 2 kid? i'll juz end up feeling more miserable than b4... cuz i AM missing you... shit, i'm not thinking straight again... think i'll juz stop here, someone please tell me what i gotta do juz so i can be with u again (or 4get about u completely)? to call it longing, is to call the ocean water...

the rain juz keeps pouring, and my heart juz keeps missing...

damn it has been 1 long and tiring week... and it is sure as hell not going 2 get any easier next week... wah yesterday was a damn tiring day... so had a damn short academic day, with the lone and solitary maths (if u dun count philo as acad lesson lah, cuz it is NOT)... waited whole week 4 maths TA, which nvr materialised... so had pe then after that played soccer (courtesy of nigel with his ball) during recess... not really so shiok lah, but played until i was sufficiently tired and soaking wet (i left trails of sweat on the floor, trust me u wouldnt wanna know)... had slack cle with new ft, cuz OWL (ong wai ling) went back 2 NIE... hai, she was a really nice teacher, although she gives me a stare that usually freaks me out and she always calls me julian (wtf, no offence 2 julian, but do i really look like him? come on lah)... so anyway, this new geog teacher (my ft) seems pretty cool, abit on the plump side and definitely NOT cho (4 all those still wondering out there)... shes quite funny, those ok-ok personality lah, lets juz hope i dun make my judgement 2 soon (like in the instances of far 2 many people)... izzit juz me or are geog teachers usually quite nice? like fiona chong (sec1, thought she was a bitch, but in the end realised she was a damn good teacher, but she left lah), joanna ng (she was the sec1 relief, she basically dun care 1 lah, but still ok), martina ong (sec2, funky teacher, damn funny, nice personality, teaches ok oso), ong wai ling (current sec3 geog + ft1, she's ok lah, abit weird and skewed sometimes, teaches ok, makes me feel rather uncomfortable at times but nice nonetheless), this sharon wok (now geog teacher, seems funky, hope it really is that way, joker type, juz dun pms can liao) and how can we 4get jac sim (damn bloody joker and weird and eccentric and messed up and stuff like that, but a really nice teacher i must say)... maybe it runs in the job... ok enuff about teachers, b4 i start thinking about really miserable teachers from other subjects, its really not their fault, its juz the subject they teach (ya right, come on lah)... after skul went 2 play soccer under burning sun in the same field again, alot less people this time, play awhile liao then sian already... i was like ok lah, since got people there then play lor, but was already quite wiped... so after that went 2 bishan swimming complex, met up with the other guys and swam... well, actually they swam and i juz stand in the water and stone (damn bloody tired, really cant and dun feel like doing much)... so after that played in the pool awhile and juz lied down on the bench and tanned... the sun was damn fierce lah, after that i kena cooked, whole body red like a friggin lobster (cept maybe the lobster would be alot tastier)... then after swimming, even more king, went gym with az and danny (another 2 joker-cum-maniacs)... go there and die, as in seriously die... do like 2 sets of everything jiu drop dead already... so juz did everything half half, dun feel it was of any help though, but juz a really good way 2 spend the last bit of ur life's energy so that u can die faster... went 2 j8 and ran in2 chee yang, eugene, zhi he and ivan... went there 2 eat macs (they ate, i juz stoned and pretended 2 not be dying)... i officially declare friday nights the best time of the week... damn, juz look at the friggin crowd man, everyone getting back from work, u get 2 see all sorts of people (n i mean all sorts of people)... there were seriously damn hot chicks there, but i was 2 tired 2 bother... met yan de, bobo and ryan teo there oso, after which went 2 skul 2 watch the stupid chinese play, reach skul still needed 2 wait like half an hour b4 we entered the friggin LT, i was dying of sweat lah, damn warm (think it was cuz of my overlycooked body)... daniel wu (bball cap) was there 2, surprised 2 see him, stuck in the same state as me (kena forced 2 watch the thing)... so after that went in, best part was that we had 2 sit on the friggin floor, damn we paid 5 bucks 2 clean ur friggin floor? wth, in the end kope chair and sit, heck care... the play was actually quite nice, ho wen jun owned that shit man... lol... i shall not comment on mgs, people there would know lah... after that rocked myself home, grabbed something from BK 2 eat (damn hungry) and went home... died, woke up at 630 this morning, went 4 some olympic run thingy (please lah, gimme a friggin break)... missed combined skuls, dun think i was in any state 2 go anyway... that was basically my past 24hrs or so... now i'm listening 2 this oldie (playing on my com), dunno why i'm attracted 2 this song oso, but juz download and kept playing... "Who Can It Be Now?" by Men At Work... realised that the lyrics in oldies keep repeating, like the chorus of this song (repeat the title 4 times and u got the chorus)... sometimes there are no reasons 4 the things we do, we juz do it... nvm, i no longer know wat i'm talking about, so i'll stop here... i'm still very much exhausted, so i think i'll go sleep... back again, til then, peace...

haha, juz did that whack job post on "night"... well, did have quite abit in my head, and hopefully through (i must say) a rather good (then again, i hope) analogy i got pretty much most of the stuff from my head... juz felt the flow and u gotta let it go... so, watched high school musical earlier (after coming back from a night swim, which led 2 me missing the starting part of the show), even with all that hype and drama around it, i must admit it was really quite a nice show... the songs and everything, especially vanessa anne hudgens AND ashley tisdale... damn, in the show ashley tisdale was really damn hot (the wonders make-up and some good clothes can do 2 u)... nvr really noticed her b4 (cuz maybe i missed the asia premiere of the show last week!), but she really looks quite the something... of course the star of the show is still vanessa anne hudgens, and as much as it pains me 2 say this (and how much i hate 2 say this), so is zac efron... once again, i have 2 admit (sadly), hes pretty good... but still, if i have the chance 2 knock his face in and give him a new set of facial features, i'll take it... lol... overall it was a nice show lah... ashley tisdale is hot lah, damn... sadly my msn dp of her looks a little screwy (dunno why oso, she juz looks weird, and constipated), but i still like it... lol... ok so here goes (after alot of mental preparation and some yoga 2 calm my soul), BRAZIL FRIGGIN LOST!!! hit me with a rock lah dammit... wah lao, cant friggin believe they lost 2 france... piece of crap man... hai, damn shocked 2 hear it from my father this morning lah... fell asleep watching england portugal game (which england lost 3-1 on penalties? but no surprise i fell asleep ya?), then wake up in the morning hear my father say brazil lost... wtf man, france is in semis... but still damn sad brazil lost lah... england ah, hai... same sad old story, juz as they were starting 2 play good (i think?)... kena knocked out by portugal again, in the quarter finals (again?)... sad case lah england, hope they dun screw up (as much) the next time world cup comes around 4 them... sian, now the 4 teams left are germany, italy, portugal and france... probably rooting 4 portugal now (cuz i kinda like their jersey and i know some players lah), but in the end later they lose 2 france (like all the other teams i had my pick on e.g. south korea, togo, spain and latest victim of damn france, brazil)... hai, really dun wanna see germany win the world cup lah, not so upset if france or any other of the teams win lah, but germany seriously can go and die lah... stupid klose, leading top scorer of the tournament... sad case 2 both brazil and england lah... so anyway, been reading this book called The Family Way by Tony Parsons... its a pretty nice book, feel it links (somehow) closer 2 me than Man and Boy or Man and Wife (both by the same author, tony parsons)... kinda like this author, like the way he writes about family and touchy stuff (hence the mood i'm in right now, influenced by the book ba?)... his story can get abit repetitive at times (comparing all 3 books by him), but still very nice nonetheless... ok, i can see i'm starting 2 run out of things 2 talk about (do i hear people cheering in the background?)... lol... ok, think imma end off, but b4 that, juz 1 more thing (people moaning)... i like the part of the high school musical where they sang "We're All In This Together" and where they did their funky dance... lol... like the dance, especially where ashley tisdale and vanessa anne hudgens were infront of the rest of the crowd... lol... ok think i will stop here (for real)... skul 2morrow, totally sucks (when everyone else is slacking at home)... dumb shit, i'd better be going out next monday... til next time, peace out...

have u noticed how beautiful the night really is? my favourite part of the day has got 2 be the night (u get wat i mean), cuz thats when i get home from a tiring day at skul and training, and thats when i get 2 rest, chill out, relax and all that stuff (among which is hw, but right now hw aint on my list)... yeah i kinda like the night (partly oso cuz thats the only time of the day i'm home, at 1 point in time the only sky i see from my bedroom window is black, morning b4 the sun rises and night when i get home from training), but night-time is always so short, the next thing u know ur back in skul trying not 2 suffocate from all that work... beautiful things nvr last, juz as night does... partly why the night is so short is cuz we sleep (yes, 4 some of u out there in another far away galaxy, we DO sleep... humans sleep, unlike those of u who close ur eyes at night 4 less than 3-5 hrs every night, no offence), be it a neccessity or a desire... yes, we lose the beautiful night 2 sleep, about 5-8 hours (less or more) every time... maybe thats why good things always seem so short, we never really get enuff time 2 fully appreciate or enjoy the finer things in life... we sleep (whether its juz plain human or whether its by choice), and when we sleep we dream (at least most of us)... when we dream anything could happen, and sometimes we escape 2 these dreams, run away from the real world, when we dun want 2 face reality anymore... and when we escape in2 these dreams, we lose our reality, we lose the beautiful night, we lose the world... i'm not saying that dreams are bad or that we shouldnt sleep, but sometimes in life, we lose things that are real 2 us, that we should appreciate, through choice or human nature, and we think that we have found true happiness in our "dream world"... beautiful things nvr last, we lose something everyday, we lose our beautiful night 2 our sleep, 2 our dreams (ironic?)... we give up and sacrifice wat may not seem important 2 us in our lives, juz 2 chase our dreams, our "better future", a better life where anything could happen... a life that may not exist... we make choices in life, we may nvr see the beauty in something until its gone, when u have given that away in search 4 something ur hoping 2 find... when we wake up from our dreams, another day has begun, and life seems 2 start anew... everyday is a new day, when life starts over and gives u another shot at it, when u probably didnt manage 2 the day b4... but when the night comes around, when "life" so called settles down, izzit ever going 2 be the same as the night b4? yes we sleep and all that stuff, but is the beauty still going 2 be around juz waiting 4 u 2 discover it? there may only ever be 1 night juz like this, 1 night in all of its glamour and splendor, only 1 night like this... no1 really ever notices how beautiful the night sky can be (i admit, not even me), most of us juz worry about how much hw we have left 2 rush, how much sleep we're gonna get, or maybe even the score 4 the world cup game later that night... night is juz another passing phase of time, we give it up and we lose it... maybe thats how life works... maybe beautiful things were never meant to last, not something as beautiful as this...

this week has gone by pretty quickly (thank goodness)... on one hand another miserable week of life has passed, on the other another week closer 2 CTs (omfg, is life really all about exams?)... i'm sorrie everyone 4 that frightfully f-ed up scare... so anyway, played soccer yesterday at this place (finally get 2 play there) near cat high... the response 2 the pitch was pretty screwed, juz like the pitch itself (i dun blame them, seriously it sucks)... the friggin pitch was sloping lah, and it was so uneven and bumpy (it looked so much better from the bus)... i felt it was ok lah, at least there was no1 there (not surprised looking at the condition of the field), and we get 2 play soccer... so we played there 4 like 1 and a half hrs, people like nigel, darryl, kenneth, zf, chong kai, yi jun, ivan (cant believe he came and played, good show mate), ryan teo, darryl teo (no relation watsoever) and jason pang... the sun was bloody hot, the pitch was screwed, i bruised my right shin pretty badly and everyone was dying after that... overall, it was a great afternoon (no sarcasm)... yeah so hoping can play there again (this time nearer the road, dun have 2 walk so far and the pitch looks less screwed), had quite abit of fun really (dunno about the rest of them lah, they all looked like someone juz tried 2 shove a soccer ball up their asses, u get the point)... on a side note, the teo family (surname) seem 2 carry soccer genes, ryan teo is still as good as ever (damn he owns serious shit) and darryl teo (once again, no relation) is a friggin 2 footer (meaning he can play with both legs, damn that is messed up)... random, if i had 2 pick a left back 4 my team it would definitely be darryl teo hands down... ok so moving on (well not really, still on the topic of soccer), bloody germany beat argentina!!! @#$*&#@%*$... wtf lah, the argentinian coach lost it 4 them... he made a mental error, u should nvr sit back and let germany attack u, cuz u will pay BIG... and by paying big (as argentina has), means that u lose a 1 goal lead 10 mins from time, play friggin extra time juz 2 waste like 30 mins of ur life, and lose 4-2 in a penalty shootout that lasted less than 5 mins... major WTF man... he should have kept attacking germany (cuz thats wat argentina does, they friggin attack), dun give germany any room 2 breathe, cuz hell, if anyone can attack it would be argentina... they were friggin owning germany all the way up 2 the time they scored and a little more... u cant let germany attack u, u gotta press them back with an attack of ur own... that was precisely the reason why he (the coach) took off riquelme and crespo (emphasis on riquelme), he sat back and defended... take nothing away from argentina's defence, but if argentina can do 1 thing right, that would be attack (repeated as above)... yeah, tough on the coach, he probably took off riquelme and crespo 2 save them 4 the semis (which they, quite frankly, already had 1 foot in), in the end there was no semis 4 the both of them 2 play (and the rest of the argentina team 4 that matter)... but well, thats football... hai, but then again, damn wasted lah, was rooting 4 argentina 2 win the world cup, cuz they look a really good side (lionel messi and all), but like i said, whoever wins the germany argentina game would probably go on 2 win the world cup... i really cant see anyone stopping germany now (not even brazil frankly)... anyway, 2night got england portugal (who's watching england screw up raise ur hands?)... gonna watch that 1, later on brazil france ('98 finals) probably a better game than england portugal but its a 3am so most likely will be giving that 1 a miss... hai, damn tired, had combined skuls training this morning (with bruised shin and sore shoulder 4 no good reason), then after that played a little pool with darryl and chris again in tp... cut my hair after that (4 a change), then came home... probably sleep awhile b4 england portugal game, not willing 2 let hw of any sort cross my mind...

realised how much i actually miss u 2day... how i miss ur touch and ur warmth... is life supposed 2 be like this? no matter how much i choke myself with my friends or other thoughts, juz filling up every moment of my miserable waking life, u juz seem 2 squeeze urself in2 my mind... i'd used 2 recognise you no matter how much u tried 2 change ur look, i would spot u a mile away b4 anyone else... now, i wouldnt even be able 2 recognise you if u walked right up 2 me and gave me a slap, let alone rubbing shoulders along a busy street in the late afternoon, cuz thats the only hope i have of even coming close 2 you... i'm not in love with you anymore, i'm in love with the memories... the memories of you...

Now Playing:
The Pussycat Dolls - Buttons (feat. Snoop Dogg)
Lil' Jon - Snap Your Fingers
Christina Aguilera - Ain't No Other Man