well, i juz watched the last episode of one tree hill... damn i cant believe i missed out on the whole middle section of the series due 2 all the trainings n coming back late... now i really feel like watching it... the finale was damn nice... they lost in the end though... alot of stuff are popping up, i guess building up 4 next season... so 2day had some bball clinic at SBC(i'm gonna go there again 2morrow 4 the national team briefing), wasnt really that in2 it lah... i guess alot of things were on my mind... i was thinking of last night lah... i realised i'm like kinda of a bad friend... i mean, i'm selfish, i cant do anything 2 cheer anyone up, i m utterly hopeless at keeping 2 my word(most of the time), n i cant do anything right... i mean i cant quite keep friendships really well... all those p6 gatherings, say can go then in the end no show... sometimes i dun really want it 2 be this way, but things juz happen lah... i guess i'm really a jerk man... now some of my friends i dun even know if they're real... then the only person i can really count on, n i screw things up... even though it wasnt really my fault, but i feel responsible... cuz its my friend man, n u dun turn ur back on a friend... cuz if u read those things, u would tell a friend right? but as usual the stupid me had 2 say something 2 completely screw it up... i juz feel really bad lah... but seriously i have nvr come across it b4 n i definately wasnt part of it... but i guess it was wat i said that messed things up... maybe it wouldnt even matter if i said it or not, that person probably wouldnt even have believed me lah... i bet that person was already half accusing me, n maybe thats why i felt responsible lah... why m i so stupid, it didnt even do it n i feeling so miserable? could it be true that this blog is turning in2 the only true friend i have that is willing 2 listen 2 me? i may not be responsible, i may not be kind or thoughtful, i may be a complete jerk... but there's one thing i hold true 2, honesty... i mean wats there 2 talk about if there is no trust n honesty... i need my friends 2 trust me man, n i feel thats gettin screwed by me... if my friends dun even trust me, then wat kind of a friend m i? i juz dun want things 2 turn out this way lah... so many people are wearing masks out there... u cant see wat they really feel, how they really feel about u... how do u know ur best friend is not wearing a mask? i mean i think about this all the time... when u talk 2 people, are the words coming out of their mouths from the heart? is there such a thing called a perfect world? where everyone is nice n there can be no wrong... where there would be no heartbreaks or lies or fake-ness... where everything is real, n u know that ur friends are there 4 u 100%... n ur friends know that u will be there 4 them 100%... i seriously doubt there is... but i juz want my friends 2 be able 2 trust me, n believe wat i say... cuz trust really means alot 2 me... are u willing 2 fall down, n allow ur friend 2 catch u? i juz feel that is really strong, nothing can break that... well i juz hope people reading this will believe wat i say... otherwise, as they say, i'm screwed...