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Jonathan Lim
01 06 91
Raffles Institution, Raffles Junior College
explosive_19@hotmail.com

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BLACKWHITE

Monday, October 24, 2005
9:41 PM

i know u dun feel the same way about me as i do about u... thats why i can nvr tell u how i truly feel... everyone juz keeps telling me how perfect u are... i juz stay calm n cool, pretending i dun care... but deep down, i juz wanna tell someone how i feel... it hurts so much, 2 keep it all inside... i know it could nvr work out... 2 much stands between us... n i dun wan 2 lose this friendship... i wake up every morning thinking about it, how it would be like if we were 2gether, if i could wake up n be able 2 tell u how much i cared... n 2 know that u cared 4 me 2... knowing that it could nvr happen... i know it sounds so cliche, but thats the only way i know how 2 put it... it's not as simple as it seems... sometimes i wonder when u read my blog, do u even know wat i'm writing about? do u even know who i m thinking of when i write my post? do u even know who all these refer 2? if u were 2 ask me, all i can say is that "this person" is someone else... with that lie, it hurts so much... i cant ever let u know how i feel about u... but do u read the signs? or u juz choose 2 ignore them? all i can do, is 2 stand from afar n admire ur beauty, cuz thats the only way i can feel close 2 u... every morning, when i see u, i think 2 myself "she is so beautiful"... not being able 2 walk up 2 u n tell u that... hurts me so much inside... but 2 be able 2 juz stand there, watching u... it's all worth it... maybe its more than juz time that stands between us, maybe ur heart lies somewhere else... maybe i will nvr be good enuff 4 u... i'm afraid, that if i put myself out there, i will get shot n run down... the fear of rejection... my hopes are 2 high, i keep telling myself that u are thinking about me 2... when in reality u're probably more busy wit work or juz thinking about that someone u cant 4get... maybe i'm juz feeding my own feelings, maybe i'm juz living in my own fantasy, or maybe i juz really wanna be with u... everytime i write, i wish u read it n know that its u i'm writing about, n that its u i care 4... but only 2 realise u probably dun even read wat i write... everytime i show concern, u will see it as a friend, n nothing more... i guess it's all juz my fault... or maybe it juz wasnt meant 2 be... my head tells me that it cannot happen while my heart tells me 2 keep trying... why? why do i have 2 hurt so bad juz 2 be wit u? if i tell u how i feel, will i crash n burn? n not be able 2 pick up the pieces? will u understand how i feel? so wat if u do understand? can anything happen? the answer is no... then why do i keep trying? when i look in2 ur eyes, i know u are missing something... n i know that it is not me... ur heart longs 4 the one u tried 2 give up, but couldnt... my heart longs 4 u... so can i tell u how i feel? can u accept the fact that i really wanna be wit u? maybe someday i will tell... n maybe someday u will understand n feel the same way about me... maybe...

immaculate and inadequate ;